What happened to Tommy? (Discontinued)

Chapter 12

~~~

If you see the boy I used to be, could you tell him that I'd like to find him. And if you see the shell that's left of me, could you spare him a little kindness.

'Cause I've been high and I've been low. I've spent, what feels like, a thousand nights alone, trying to hold on tight. And feelings come, but hey won't go. Please won't someone take me home before I lose my mind.

Am I broken? Am I flawed? Do I deserve a shred of worth or am I just another fake, fucked up lost cause? And am I human? Or am I something else? 'Cause I'm so scared and there's no one there to save me from the nightmare that I call myself.

I've tried everything and anything, but nothing seems to work quite like it should. Between the madness and the apathy, seems there's nothing left inside of me that's good.

Am I broken? Am I flawed? Do I deserve a shred of worth or am I just another fake, fucked up lost cause? And am I human? Or am I something else? 'Cause I'm so scared and there's no one there to save me from the nightmare that I call myself.

Am I broken? Am I flawed? Do I deserve a shred of worth or am I just another fake, fucked up lost cause? And am I human? Or am I something else? 'Cause I'm so scared and there's no one there to save me from the nightmare that I call myself.

August 3rd, 2021

~~~

The last few sentences repeat till the end of the page.

~~~

I've been thinking about L'manberg, I'm pissed. I hate that place now.

All that work and what did it get me? Why did I do it? Scrapbooks full of me in the background. Give 'em love and what does it get ya? Thanks a lot and out with the garbage. They take bows and you're batting zero.

I had a dream. I dreamed it for you Phil, it wasn't for me, Wil. And if it wasn't foe me, then where would he be, mister Tubbo Underscore?

Well someone tell me, when is it my turn? Don't I get a dream for myself? Starting now it's gonna be my turn. Gangway, world, get off of my runway! Starting now I bat a thousand. This time, bitches, I'm taking the bows and everything's coming up Tommy! Everything's coming up Innit! Everything's coming up Tommy! This time for me!

For me! For me! For me! For me! For me! For me!

I will make my dreams come true one day!

November 9th, 2021

~~~

"That's the Tommy we know." Tubbo chuckles.

"He got his confidence back, hopefully it sticks."

"I doubt it."

"True."

~~~

Dream visited me today and made me do everything for him. He then brought me back to the Dream SMP area and forced me to do anything he, SapNap, George, and Callahan wanted. He said that it was my birthday present to him, since I'm so poor I can't do anything else.

It was the worst day. SapNap looked a bit worried, but said nothing. No one else cared.

I saw Tubbo. I made eye contact with him. As soon as he saw me, he left. Does he not care or even like me anymore. I know I hurt him, but he could have at least waved. At least I got to see the SMP once more.

August 12, 2021

~~~

"Did you really do that?" Ranboo asks Tubbo.

"Yeah, but in my defense, I hadn't slept for over 138 hours, so I thought I was hallucinating. I then went to sleep for about a day and a half."

Ranboo chuckles and shakes his head at Tubbo.

~~~

I had a couple friends, but they don't visit me anymore. When they used to, they always act like they are bored. I care and I pretend I don't though, but I'm okay though.

Pogtopia and Manberg were fighting and I tried to intervene. It didn't help, it made it worse if anything. I cry until I fall asleep, but I'm okay though.

Ranboo tells me I have to believe the bad feelings will go away eventually. I try but I swear it always sees like it come to them so easily and I'm stuck at the part where I pretend I'm happy, but I'm waiting for it to get better for me.

I wish that I was different, whish I was someone else. I know that I should probably tell somebody I need help, but it's easier for me to say that I'm okay though. I hope I'm not the only one who feels this way. So why should I prioritize myself if that's the case? I'll suck it up another day but I'm okay though.

August 20th, 2021

~~~

Ranboo was about to flip the page when Phil tells them that Sam wants to see them.

Tubbo nods and marks the book. The two stand up and walk outside. They see Sam talking to Techno.

"Hey, Sam." Tubbo greets.

Sam looks over to Tubbo and smiles, "Hey, I just wanted to check in with you. You know ask how you're doing?"

"I'm doing alright. I've been better, but I've also been worse."

"That's fair, Ranboo, how about you? You doing good."

"Yeah, just been keeping busy." Ranboo answers.

"That's good."

"Have you seen Ghostbur at all?" Tubbo asks Sam.

"Not since..... you know."

"Let me know if you see him. I'm worried he's planning something bad. He's not the ghostbur we knew."

"I'll keep an eye out."

"Thanks."

Sam is about to leave when PhanTommy and Michael come running around the house chasing Friend. Friend seems to be happy and enjoying it. Sam's eyes widen at the sight of PhanTommy.

"T-Tommy?" He says, in shock.

"No. My name is PhanTommy."

Sam just stares at Tommy.

"You're Sam right?"

"Yeah."

"Awesome! I've been wondering where you've been."

PhanTommy then hugs Sam. Sam returns the hug. Ranboo picks Michael up and smiles at Sam and PhanTommy. PhanTommy lets go and so does Sam.

"Who's that?"

"Michael. We found him and well, now he's our son."

"Our?"

"Me and Tubbo's son."

"Got it. Well I better be off. I'm still looking for Niki."

"You better let me know when you find her. I want to give her a piece of my mind." Techno yells out to Sam.

"Don't worry. You'll be the first to know if I find her."

----

1054

A short chapter. I felt like writing after watching the lore today. And in the span of 2 days my comfort characters went from 3 to 1.

Ghostboo hurts me. Ranboo's death hurt me. The lore hurt me.

Chapter Inspiration: Broken by Anson Seabra, Rose's Turn by Glee Cast, I'm Okay Though by Sara Kays

- The Author (A Squirrel Named Tyler Who Is Still Crying About The Lore From Today)