That Funny Feeling | Bo Burnham x Reader

Chapter 6: Telling Performance

"hit it!" bo said as he began dancing around the stage and music started playing from the speakers around you.

"aw ye-" he cut himself off before he could finish the sentence. it seemed like he started too early and fucked up the song already. he cursed under his breath but kept dancing.

"aw yeahhhhh." there was his cue, "youuuuu areeeeeee the chosennn oneeeee." he began to sing, "youuuuuuuuu areeeeeee really fun!" 

it had a heavily improvisational thing going on.

"i would treat youuuu like my son-- if i was gonna fuck my son-- wait-- fuck--" the music stopped and bo shook his head, "you know what let's take it from the top."

you watched as he attempted to retrace his steps and get back to his starting position on stage. he put his head down and one arm up in the air as he held the microphone to his mouth. "okay now you can hit it again."

the music began to play again and bo danced around stage like he had before. 

"aw yeahhhhhh." he seemed to be more in the groove with this one, "yo! you are the chosen one, y/n, yuh. you are the chosen one ha ha ha. i really like your style and i really like your vibe. you're a true boner gonna be my bride! i'll take of my pants you can take a ride. i'll pop my boner in you, boner, and cum inside." 

he was panting and out of breath when he was done, despite it only having been a few seconds. he posed with his arms crossed as the music faded and he seemed pretty proud of himself as an applause track sounded over the speakers. then he dropped the mic and started frantically trying to undo his belt buckle.

"WOAH WOAH WOAH--" you yelled.

bo turned to look at you, still trying to take off his pants, "what?"

you waved your hands in the air "h-hold on stop taking off your pants-- i don't think that song explained... well, anything, really."

bo's smile faded. "w-w-w-w-w-w-what do you mean? are you telling me im not a good songwriter? are you telling me that i should just throw away my entire career and life's work?" he began to cry.

"wwhat? no--" 

"oh ok."

you began to walk up to the stage to have a conversation with bo when all of a sudden you felt yourself being lifted off of the ground by some magical force and gently placed on the stage. you looked at bo, who was now wearing a goofy and completely thoughtless smile on his face as he looked out into the empty crowd. 

just then you felt something heavy fall onto you from above... when you stood back up you realized that it was... a wedding dress? bo turned to you, his expression still not changing, and looked you up and down.

"you look great." he said as a tuxedo fell onto him in a similar fashion to the dress onto you. 

you watched as the walls fell down, revealing what seemed to be some sort of a wedding venue. you were too shocked and confused to do anything other than look around in absolute awe and astonishment as a priest appeared behind you and guests began to fill the seats in the audience. they were your friends, your family, your pets, your elementary school teachers, they were all there. they were all there for you. on your big day.

it all made sense now. you were the chosen one, The One True Boner, and you knew what that meant now. you knew what you had to do.

"do you, robert pickering burnham, promise to love and cherish y/n, in sickness and in health, in good times and bad, even when they won't stop writing professor venomous mpreg smut, for as long as you both live?"

bo nodded, "i do."

"and do you, y/n, promise to fuck and suck bobby (boytoy) burnham, despite the hardships, despite the hard shits, no matter the struggle, for as long as he is breedable?" 

you felt a warm smile grow on your face, "i do."