Heartless

Gone, Gone, Gone.

|John's POV|

I feel like smashing my head into a wall. I don't know what I just did, but I'm pretty sure I fucked things up even more. It was bad enough for her. I cheated, and now I lost her. But I didn't just lose her, I lost my family. My one and only. My everything. I don't know how I'll fix this, but now it's too late, and there's nothing I can do get her back.

When I got home I race into the music room, my face full of anger, and began to knock down microphones and stands.

"FUCK!" I scream, as beads of sweat roll down my forehead. I wipe them off with the back of my hand and stare at the pictures on the wall of Katy and I. Everything was neat and in place until I wrecked it, just like our relationship. I slid all of the song notes Katy and I had written onto the ground and stepped on them with my foot.

"What am I going to do?" I whispered to myself, and sat down at a stool. I'll just write Katy a letter. I know it's not going to fix anything, but I need her to know how I truly feel. Katy's mother told me the other day that Katy was going to live with Shannon, so I'll just send it to Shannon's address and see what happens.

I opened up a drawer and turned on the desk light so I could see, and shuffled through it to find a pad of paper and a pen. I'm just going to concentrate on writing this letter and giving it my all. I just have to remind myself; it isn't going to change anything.

I chewed on the end of the pen, and flipped a page over to the next page of the notepad. My pen hit the paper and from then on I couldn't stop writing. Maybe this is what I needed.

Dear Kate,
I know this is going to be stupid of me, and it isn't going to change anything, but I need to let you know how I feel. I know you hate me and I know you don't want me around anymore, but I admit that what I did was terribly wrong. I cheated on you, and on top of that I was such a dick. It makes me think of how strong of a person you are, and I wanted to let you know that I was happy to have you in my life. The days I spent with you will forever be my most treasured, and I'll never forget them. This may seem like just another lie, but it's not. I love you so much and I'll never stop. Nothing will ever stop me from loving you, and you'll always be in my heart. You'll always be my Kate, and Scarlett and Emma will always be our two beautiful children that we made, together. I only hope that our time together will never leave your mind, and you'll still remember the way we used to look at each other, but also our stories and jokes. Anyway, thank you for giving this the time to read, and I'll see you around. Goodbye.

John.

I folded it up and placed it into an envelope. I have to give it to her now. Hopefully she won't be home yet though.

I ran outside quickly and put my brown leather jacket on. Once I drive down the road, I couldn't help but remember all of the great memories that we made in this car. I stared at the spot next to me and smiled, knowing that that's the place Katy sat whenever we were together. Like our first few dates. I remember that that's how we got closer. She used to sit there and laugh at me while I drove. She would tell me all of these stories on how when she was a kid she was never able to watch movies or listen to pop music, or even eat lucky charms. I learned so much about her this way, and it's crazy to think that it's all over. We'll be divorced in a few months and that's really what's breaking me.

Once I got to Shannon's house, I didn't see her car there yet, which was a very good thing. I have to make this really quick though.

I jumped out of my car and brought the letter up to the mailbox as fast I could, and then back again to the car. It was raining, and the skies were dark and gray.

I feel like there's something missing; a big part of my life, and it's gone. I shook the rain off of my head and drove back to the house. This is the worst possible thing that's ever happened to me, and I honestly have no clue what I'm going to do. I wish I could just go back in time and not cheat, and not be such a dick. But what's done is done and I unfortunately can't take it back.