incompatible mechanisms

him, in the mirror

this body does so much
for you and others

his hair, fine like spun ruby
long and longer it grows.
his eyes show the universe
and nothing all at once.

his mouth delivers rapturous sermons and
garbled nonsense all times of the day
his shoulders slump down with the weight of his brain
but straighten up tall when carrying someone else's pride

his stomach and waist show what remnants of femininity he has left
show that despite his name, he has enough cushion to break the fall of those awful words.
to carry himself with an air of strength
despite being oh so tired.

the way his hips jut out
make the perfect seat for chubby babies
and his arms, the way he sways
and his (not so confident) singing
puts those little ones right to sleep

his legs do the same, and are the superlative benches
for nieces and nephews when they ask why
(why, indeed. why for forty millionth time)
his feet keep him standing
no matter the ache in the bones
no matter the ache in the head
no matter the ache at all.
he stands.

he stands for himself,
his masculinity.
he stands for others,
knowing he'd want the same in return.
and he stands for nothing at all
because this world has exhausted him.

but tomorrow when the sun rises,
he will roll out of bed, scan his room for the day's outfit,
and he will stand once more.

—
bonus: felt wrong to separate it from above
—

i want my children to remember me
(if i have any)
i want them to remember only the little things
like how i smelled of vanilla and cherries
mango and rose
cocoa butter and love
how i would teach them things they would never truly need to know
how they never needed to lift me up
and were free to be kids.

and their mother
how she smelled of various oils and perfumes
and the spice cabinet.
how she sat with them everyday to fill the gaps their father left
how she turned on her smile and never turned off her love
the way she looks at them, running around.
the tone she uses when talking to and about them
the pure adoration she held for anyone who crossed her path.

and how well we worked together despite
the world telling us we couldn't.