Escaping Tetta Kisaki

If I could

Both Kisaki and I are naked we've been doing unholy things within his bed, he's been so gentle the whole time. His thrust steady but not aggressive. His hair is very messy as I stare up at him from beneath as he dives into my body from atop. "Kisaki, Kisaki... oh, Kisaki." I softly moan out his name to him, this seems to really excite him as his pace speeds up. We are both about to reach our limit. "My princess..." These soft words quietly leave Kisakis lips as he reaches his climax. I reach mine as well. Kisakis body gently falls upon mine, I raise my hands to the back of his head and gently hold him. I caress his head and play with the loose strands of hair. I can't believe I've given Kisaki my body. To think I'd actually let myself get swallowed up by Kisaki and all the horror that comes with him. Does that make me a bad person though? Falling for someone like Kisaki? I mean people die at his hand, the hands he uses to do unforgivable things he has now used to caress my body. Is that really okay? "Damn~ it's hot as hell in here... you guys run a marathon or what?" It's Hanmas voice! I peak past Kisaki to see Hanma standing in the middle of the doorway staring. My eyes widen in shock upon the sight of him, what is he even doing in here?! "Get out! You can't see me!" I yell out in fear and frustration. I hear a chuckle from the door wat belonging to Hanma. "I've seen you naked before... In the shower." Hanma says most likely proud of himself. I totally forgot he saw me naked in the shower. I must have forced myself to forget that. I quickly grab a pillow to cover my body and run at full speed to the bathroom. I slam the door shut and then take the moments I have by myself to catch my breath. I look at myself in the mirror. How pitiful, just what on earth am I doing? Making love to Kisaki, letting him see me naked. This isn't right at all. He kidnapped me... he took my pride, took my normal life, endangered me and yet here I am offering myself up to him. How far I've fallen. How disgusting I am. As I stare at myself in the mirror with nothing but the purest form of hatred, I feel the tears dwelling up within my eyes. I see the tear drops leave my eyes and thus I begin to cry. I drop down to the bathroom floor and hold myself in a tight embrace. What have I done. I hear the click of the door but I can't g into myself to lift my head and look at the person that's entered. "Why are you crying? Is it because Hanma saw you naked?" Kisaki asks from within the door frame. I guess that's part of the truth, I hate that Hanma has even seen me naked. Like I'm some sort of prostitute. "No Kisaki, that's only half the truth. I- I don't know what's wrong with me..." I say with a tremble to my voice. I'm so worked up right now. I can't even calm down no matter how hard I try.  "There is nothing wrong with you... it's me. I am the one to blame for your pain. I am the one that is wrong." Kisaki says in a voice that sounds sincere. I look up at him from my self made ball, he has tears in his eyes! Why is Kisaki crying too? Is this real? "Kisaki... why?" I ask as I peer up at Kisaki with absolute confusion. He sighs and then meets my eyes. His gaze so sad and yet so empty. It makes my heart feel tense. "Why? I wanted everything, the world, power, respect and even love. I wanted it all but then I found you when I thought there's no point in love. It was your beauty that set me free." Kisaki says while crouching down in front of me and then softly placing his hand upon my cheek. Why is he saying all this... I already made an understanding with myself that this relationship isn't right. I can't turn back now just because Kisaki is displaying vulnerability in front of me. I can't! I can't but it's so hard, it's like a force from within me is making me sympathize with him. "I know this is no excuse and I know it can't take the pain I caused you away but that's the truth. You set me free Jexy. I know I can't be the man you need but even so I hope you never leave." Kisaki says removing his hand from my cheek and slicking the lose strands of hair back into place. Tetta Kisaki, this man is so incredibly hard to deny. "Kisaki- I can't do this... it's so hard. I love you and I hate it. I hate that I love you." I say clenching my jaw in frustration. Kisaki looks very surprised at my words and at a loss of words. "Kisaki why?! Why me?! Why?!" I shout out at him, the heaviness of my self hatred suffocating the both of his. "Jexy, don't cry. I'll work harder to make your world a safer place but I will never change. I'll always be this way Jexy. Do you hate me for that?" Kisaki asks this bizarre question while maintaining deep eye contact with me. Do I hate him for being him? Hate him for not being able to change himself? "I hate myself." Is all I say in response to Kisakis question. He looks stunned. I don't think it was the response he was expecting. I wipe my face of tears and stand up with the pillow still in hand. Kisaki stands up as well, nothing in hand for him. Kisaki is simply still naked. What pride. I leave the bathroom and return to the bedroom, I see no sign of Hanma in here. He must have left when I ran off to the bathroom. "Jexy, don't worry. I'll make this all right." Kisaki says as he steps behind me and embraces me tightly. I hate this.