Pain And Struggles

HURT

I was so messed up.
I just didn't notice.
Now I understand what it means to self conscious
No matter how many times I tell myself that it doesn't matter what they think of me It comes back to hurt me every single time.
Sometimes, no most times I  feel like I don't add any value to anyone's life.
After they have used me for whatever they want they toss me away like I am an object.
I don't think it's their fault anyways.
It's mine actually I have noticed I have these thoughts in my head even to my best freind or my friends.
I am not real to them,but I don't know...when they achieve something good
I feel angry and it makes me feel so irritated with myself like are you even human.
How can I have such thoughts to my well trusted friends
I feel like it's high time I tell them but I am scared of what they will think of me
Then I start to blame myself, "was it my fault, all I just wanted was to be noticed by someone ".
I hate having all this thoughts just when you think you have gotten rid of it,it comes crashing down.
I don't know what I want anymore.
Stress from school,all that makes me so tired
I am like what else could go wrong
I have learnt the hard way that whenever you are going through something hard never say what else could go wrong

When you see what that stuff is you would wish you had just kept your mouth shut.

This is a story well MY STORY.

Like I said my life is messed up and it's still messed.
I am trying to survive to not be drowned in this pool of evil thoughts in my head.

But the bright part is that I have gone through this before

I made it out with God's help.

I just really wanna be found.

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See you next time