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Is this how it is? Is this how it's always been? To exist in the face of suffering and death and somehow keep singing?
*
"Remember to lock the door, okay?"
I remained skeptical, standing in the middle of the small bathroom in the pitch black. Batteries for our flashlights ran out of juice weeks ago but my eyes were starting to adjust to the darkness a lot quicker. The pack strapped to me weighed heavy against my back as I thought of our dwindling supplies. Only candles now. One bar of soap and a few bottles of water. The last of our food ran out last night. My sunken stomach growled. Cold air, smelling of mildew and a faint hint of blood, chilled my skin. Crossing my arms over my chest, I waited for Adrian's reassurance.
"Don't worry, Nik. I always lock the doors now." His deep voice echoed through the room making me jump.
I waited, listening intently as he eased the door closed, the lock clicking into place.
"It's locked, baby. This floor is cleared, remember?" He sighed and I heard his boots scuff along the tile as he came closer. Still in the darkness, he finds me easily and brings me into his arms, my body immediately falling into its familiarity.
"I just want to make sure. After what happened..." I trailed off not wanting to think about some of our life-threatening mistakes. It happened a little more than two weeks after we knew the world officially ended and help wasn't coming. By that time, we'd only encountered a couple of the dead ones at time. They'd trickle in from nearby buildings and a couple entered by happenstance. We'd been lucky enough to escape most of the chaos that erupted in the city below. We thought we were safe on the top floor, high up above danger, the door to the stairs blocked, the elevators out of power, but we were wrong. With no weapons and no clue, we found out the hard way the dead traveled in packs.
After the shock wore off and checking one another for scratches or bites, Adrian searched the building for anything to make sure the dead never got through the doors again. He came back with a heavy chain and padlock. It never left his side along with a blade from a paper cutting machine. After that, he cleared each floor of the building one room at a time.
"It's okay. I'm here. Nothing's going to get you as long as I'm here. That will never happen again."
"What about when—" I started but he quickly hushed me with his lips, his hands holding either side of my head.
"No. Stop. Don't go down that road. Let's just enjoy each other right now. One thing at a time, okay?" He said, letting go of me and walking over to the sink. I heard a thud as he set down his backpack, the squeak of the faucet as he, once again, tested if the water was running. I stopped telling him it was never coming back a long time ago. Let him hold onto hope.
"I got the candles." I said, slowly sinking to my knees and sliding my pack off my shoulder.
In the dark, my fingers followed the same old pattern they did every night. Unzipping the pack, pulling out each candle before finding the matches. I lit the first one, the orange light flickering against the shadows, revealing a toilet that didn't flush, a sink, a dirty mirror. I watched Adrian's figure pulling out our other supplies and setting them around the edge of the sink. A glint of gold shone from his ear as he moved around. With the rest of the candles lit, I placed them around the room hoping to make it a little more romantic. Taking my time, enjoying the little moments of us, I tugged off my boots and socks before pulling my shirt over my head. I tossed them on top of my backpack.
"Come here." Adrian said lowly and I peeked over my shoulder to see him already staring at me, dark eyes roaming hungrily over my body. Taking the elastic from my hair, I tip-toed over to him and hopped up on the edge of the sink. He placed his hands eagerly on my hips, steadying me before his lips connected with mine. It was a gentle and steady kiss, one that reminded me of our love. I draped my arms over his shoulders and wrapped my legs around his waist as we lost ourselves in one another's touch.
I pulled away slightly, his lips chasing mine. "Hey, we need to get cleaned up."
He chuckled and let his forehead fall against my collarbone, his lips pressing little kisses along my skin.
"Hey, mister." I swatted him away.
"Right. I forgot."
"Later, okay?" I said, picking his head up, my hands on either of his cheeks. I nudged his nose, and he returned the favor.
"Oh, definitely." He promised, nudging my nose one last time before reaching behind me to grab a washcloth and a bottle of water. Unraveling the cloth, the last of our bar of soap fell into his hand and my heart sank again but I refused to let anything ruin our moment. He wet the cloth and soap, rubbing it together until it lathered. His eyes focused, a small crease between his brows, he washed me from my head to my waist.
Without words, he handed me the cloth for his turn, my skin shivering in the cool air. He stepped closer, between my legs, and his hands on the wall to keep both of us warm as I started in slow circles. Going from his waist, up his stomach, across his chest, and around his neck I made sure every inch was clean. He only stared unblinking, admiring me as I admired him, his features sharper in the candlelight. Dark brows, strong nose, deep, brown eyes, the one gold earring, the broad shoulders. Every bit of him made my thighs clench.
"I love you." He whispered as I slicked his curls back with my fingers and began washing his face like he did mine.
"And, I love you."
After we finished, he helped me off the sink and turned me around, taking the length of my black hair in his hands, running his long fingers through the tangles. My head lolled back as I tried to suppress a groan. This was my favorite part of our routine. He took his time, brushing through every knot until my hair lay flat and smooth down my back and past my waist. He then braided it quickly with one of my elastics.
"There." He said, turning me around and seeing a certain look in my eyes at what our day held. "Don't worry, baby. I'll always be here to protect you. You're safe with me."
Pressing me tight against himself, an arm protectively holding me across my upper chest. As he held me, his lips whispering sweet promises and protection into the shell of my ear, my entire body and mind relaxed and I wholeheartedly believed in his every word.
