behind closed doors

two

       They hadn't spoken to each other since their last interaction on the jet. It was obvious to the team that there was something, seriously, wrong. It affected their work in the field, Aaron refusing to work with Emily and always pairing her up with Morgan, or Dave (Not that she had a problem with it, but it grew tiring.) His shitty mood always makes him snap at somebody, putting everyone else in an even-shittier mood. 

"What the hell is wrong with you, man?" A suspect asks when Aaron pushes him against a wall in the precinct "Hotch." Dave warns, putting a hand on his shoulder. Everyone in the precinct watches closely as Aaron lets go of the young man. JJ and Reid give each other a look, "none of my business" Morgan mutters to himself, looking away. Emily on the other hand continues to watch him, she wants to reach out and tell him to take a breath, and that things will be okay. "Prentiss, you mind getting us some water?" Dave tells her in a form of a question, noticing she was the only one who dared not to look away.
"Hotch. Hotch. Take a breath, would you?" Dave gives him a few pats on the back, "Yeah. Yeah. Sorry." Aaron mutters under his breath, leaning against the wall "Sorry." He apologizes again, shutting his eyes closed because he feels like absolute shit.

"Here, Hotch." Emily offers him a cup of water, her eyes never leaving him. "Thanks." He takes it from her, chugging it in one take.
"Alright everybody, let's gather around to discuss any new information we've found," Aaron announces as people make their way towards him, ready to report.

-

When they're back in Virginia, it's late out. And they don't even have enough energy for small talk with the team."I'm heading out guys. Night." JJ says, grabbing her belongings, Reid, Morgan, and Garcia do the same thing "Aight. Sleep tight." Morgan tells them as they head to the elevator.

Aaron was in his office, sorting out paperwork while Emily gathers her belongings from her desk. "I need to talk to both of you." Dave sneaks up behind her, as a gasp escapes her mouth "to who?" she asks, Dave points towards Aaron's office. "Bad idea, Rossi." She lowers her voice, afraid Aaron could hear them. "I don't care. HOTCH!" He yells as Aaron immediately gets up from his seat, looking over his window to find Emily and Dave.

Knowing Dave, he knew this wasn't a fight he could win. So he makes his way to the stairs, "Dave?" He looks at him, ignoring Emily's presence. This makes Dave chuckle, "You two need to figure out whatever the hell this... is." He points at the two of them "because whatever... this... is? Is making you both shit agents, in the office, and in the field-" Aaron opens his mouth to cut him off "I'm not finished." Rossi holds his hand up "I'm not asking you to explain what your relationship is with each other to me, that's your business. Keep me out of it. But what I am asking, is that you both suck it up in the workplace because it is affecting everyone around you. No one is happy. And no one is getting any real work done, which is exactly the opposite of what we come into work for. Capisce?" He finishes as Emily nods her head in agreement, eyes wide while Aaron looks down, guilty.
"Tomorrow morning, I expect better. Especially from the two of you." He shakes his head in disappointment as he walks away.

Aaron's left hand is leaning on her desk, his right massaging the inner corners of his eyes. "He's right." He huffs out as Emily nods "Yeah, he is."
"It's my fault." He finally looks at her, and she doesn't disagree, only looks back at him "I put us, in this situation. I'm sorry." Aaron says, a genuine look on his face and this makes Emily shake her head "no, no. It wasn't just you. It was me too." She sounds sad and exhausted. "Our problems don't need to reach work. The team deserves better than this, and I let them down. Including you." He says, the last part almost sounds like a whisper.

"We can fix it." She says, tears forming in her eyes.

He looks away from her, "Emily." It sounds almost like a warning. He doesn't want to get into this right now.

"What can I do to make it stop hurting?" Her voice breaks like she was pleading with him.

Aaron refuses to look her in the eyes, he knows it will make him break down. So she takes a step forward, laying a hand on his chest "Aaron, look at me." And for a while, he thinks about walking away from her, taking Jack and moving to a different continent just to avoid her. But he listens to her, and a tear escapes his eye "Aaron, I am so sorry." She tells him "I should've told you what was happening."

He bites the corner of his bottom lip, it's his way of trying to stop the tears from forming. "You ran away." He croaks out, a low town of voice that sends shivers down her spine "and you left me wondering if I would ever see you again, while I had to put on a brave face for everyone to see that I wasn't in the slightest bit affected." His voice breaks. "I thought I knew you, but I don't. I don't know you at all." He takes a step back, resentment building up in his tone.

"You know me, Aaron." She says, already missing the feel of him on her palm.

"You put me through hell." That was all he could say before she could no longer hold back her tears.

"I had to keep it from you. He was going to kill you and Jack!" She explains herself as he shakes his head in disbelief "You didn't know Ian- but I did. I lived his life. I knew what he was capable of, and he was going to come after my family. I needed to protect my family."

"No, Emily. What you did was stupid, and reckless. And fewer lives would've been lost had you just come out with the truth." He raises his voice, no longer the quiet-whisper tone he was using. Now he was angry.

"Screw you." She huffs, wiping her own tears away "you think I don't feel guilty about those lives lost? You think I don't stay up every night thinking about all the other ways I could've dealt with this?" Now, she was angry. "Have you ever thought about what I have lost?" New tears replacing her old ones, "I had to give myself up to him. I was alone, and afraid when all I wanted was to be with you and Jack and-" she stops herself, an extreme wave of sadness washing over her. Aaron didn't need to know all the details of what Ian had done to her. She knew it would kill him, and that he would never forgive her after. "and when I woke up in the hospital, I needed you. But you weren't there." Her heart ache, and so did his. The only way to mend their broken hearts was to wrap each other in their arms, but they knew that wasn't happening tonight.

"And then I was told that I needed to leave the country. Because I was dead. I was forced to leave my family, because of you." She points at him. His jaw clenches, face reddening "Doyle was still out there. He wasn't going to stop until you were dead!" Aaron defends himself as Emily laughs through her tears "You sent me away Aaron! You had me declared dead without my say so and I had to suffer alone!"

"What was I supposed to do? Let you come back into my life and in my home, hoping Doyle wouldn't realize that we're together? So that one day, I'll walk in and find you dead in the living room while Jack hides in the closet?" Aaron feels like the world is spinning, and Emily's hands can't stop shaking. They stand there, speechless for a few seconds. "I wasn't about to let my son go through that again, Emily." He finally says "I wasn't going to let myself go through that again." And so she finally understands. Understands why he did what he did, why he sent her away, and then avoid her when she came back. Because he couldn't put himself or his son through Hayley's death a second time. Once is enough.

"I understand." Her tone is low, and she's not looking at him, but he knows she's tired. "Okay." She nods to herself "It's okay." It's almost like she was trying to comfort herself because she knew no one else would do it for her.

"Where are you going?" Aaron asks her as she begins to walk away.

"Home. I'm tired."

Nothing was resolved that night. If anything, it just made things worse. Neither of them knew how to fix it, or if they were even worth fixing. But tomorrow morning would be a new day, and one thing they agreed on was that they were going to be better for the team. So that's what they'll do. They'll be better for the team.

For them, on the other hand?
Well, no one knows. But they have a long, long road ahead of them.