The Evil That Men Do | $UICIDEBOY$ | $CRIM

6: Trepidation

Winnie's POV

"Have you had to kill someone?"

The question thrashed in pit of my stomach, but seeing how Scott reacted after hearing my answer was enough to help me realize the situation fully.

He was sober, so he was feeling withdrawal symptoms, had to kill someone, (assuming it's gang related) and now having to face the emotional toll of all of that. I can only imagine the conflict he feels within himself right now. I can't imagine how depressed and torn he is from all of this. He probably realizes now that this life is not so luxurious.

I felt for him deeply, and seeing him in this state of being ripped my heart to shreds. I held him close to my chest as he continued to cry and cry and cry. I stroked his semi-curly locks, trying my best to comfort him in every way possible without being too overbearing.

"Can I be honest, Winnie?" Scott said, finally looking up at me, his cheeks and eyes soaking wet, his eyes bloodshot from crying. I found myself wiping the tears away from his cheeks with my thumbs. I nodded to him. "You gave me a reason to keep going again."

I smiled softly at him, feeling flattered, and very, very red in the cheeks, but I didn't understand what he meant. "What reason did I give to you?"

"You've been nothing but kind, caring, insightful, and wise. I've been bugging you so much because you inspire me, yet intrigue me at the same time... Either way, you gave me a reason to keep trying. To keep moving for the better." He looked down, avoiding eye contact, I could tell he was nervous and not just looking away out of embarrassment. "I know it's not anything right now, but you give me feelings. You make me feel safe."

It wasn't a lot, but it was a lot to process. This was insanely sudden, yet so relieving to hear? Also, implying the relationship stuff put a weird feeling in my chest. I think I was just stoked to know he was into me because... oddly enough, over the last week after he had tried to buy some coke, I found myself responding to his texts more frequently and staying on the phone and talking about other things than work related.

It dawned on me that he must have a crush on me. And I felt my cheeks flush immediately. Well, fucking obviously, I'm literally holding him in my arms right now. But it's more of a comforting thing, I just don't understand how quickly these feelings brew.

If I had to guess, he's mentally ill, also doing the drugs and then going cold turkey, plus the environmental situations he goes through, it seems like he has no outlet for his true emotions or the right support system while suffering withdrawal symptoms. As he said already, I make him feel safe. He feels comfortable because he can unpack his baggage without being berated or scolded for feeling some way or doing something. He knows that I understand and won't judge him. It's truly not in my nature.

"I'm glad." It's all I could say, simply because indulging on these kind of things wasn't my thing... Yet, I loved the rush it gave me. The falling in love aspect is something I'm not so sure on. I just have so much shit going on, it's hard to maintain completely different dynamics whilst being in the same line of work. It could get in the way.

Scott nestled his head into my chest some more, getting a little too comfortable, but I allowed it just this once. "I'm sorry if that's a lot to take in," he mumbled. He seemed more calmed down now. "It's a little much. I just appreciate you regardless. I know it's not in your best interest to seek out a relationship," he twiddled his thumbs, "but I just wanted to tell you. It's been on my mind."

That was all the confirmation I needed to know it was a crush. I know it's an attachment thing, but I still want to give him that safe space. I began to examine the tattoos on his hands and face, admiring the different one's, whilst admiring his features. He wasn't a bad looking guy by any means, just a little misguided, and you could tell. He had soft eyes, but heavy bags underneath. "What?"