♡︎𝙼𝚈 𝙵𝙴𝙴𝙻𝙸𝙽𝙶𝚂 𝙰𝙽𝙳 𝙾𝚃𝙷𝙴𝚁 𝚁𝙰𝙽𝙳𝙾𝙼 𝚂𝚃𝚄𝙵𝙵♡︎

Random Rant about how crushes suck-

So y'know that tingly feeling you get when you like someone? Yea... that's your common sense leaving your body...

So.... I'm pretty sure we have all had crushes. Whether it be on a real human bean, or a fictional guy(the obvious better choice). But... they suck. Its called a "crush" because someone ALWAYS gets crushed. One way or the other. Except for on that RARE, RARE occasion they like you back. But someone still ends up getting crushed. You date, make memories, and then it ends. As quick as it began it ends... and your broken. Now... I wouldn't know how that feels, because I've never had a boyfriend lol... but I have in fact had my heart broken, and crushes make it worse for me.

I am a girl. A girl that has grown up HER WHOLE LIFE with her number one priority being to get married, and live a happy life with my "prince", obviously, every little girls dream. But, mine went a bit farther. I grew up, and found out that life wasn't all glitter and rainbows. The first crush I had was on my ex best friend, Maddox. We did EVERYTHING together. We loved each other, but mine grew to be more. Now I look back on that and laugh, because it lasted from kindergarten to the fourth grade. All that time wasted on a guy I don't even talk to anymore, when I could have spent it on things to make my life more full. You see? Useless. I couldn't date him even if I wanted to, so what was even the point. Now, I am older. I am a teen, but now those feelings of general attraction are STRONGER THAN EVER!

Hormones, puberty, desires, they are all coming at me from different angles. And who do I take it out on? Boys. That's right. Boys. I have a crush now, of course. Two, to be exact. I am torn between them. One, Caleb, whom I know a bit better and we are good friends that hang out every school day... in our friend group of course, but I think I've been friendzoned as "one of the guys". However, he LOOOOVEES to pick on me, and make fun of me, and mock me, and steal my stuff, and stare, but all the while telling me I'm annoying and he doesn't like me. Now, he's not mean or anything about it, but I'm 100% sure he knows I like him. He just doesn't talk about it, because we are both VERY AKWARD people. So... yea

The next, Ryan. This guy I just met at school not to long ago at chess club. He is someone I know's ex, and that's what I knew him as before chess club. Then we hit it off. We played chess together for 2 house straight, and tied. He gave up, and told me I could win. It was a lot of fun! I found out we both like anime, and he made fun of me for my fear of ladybugs. Now... all was good between us until i did something STOOOOOPIIDDD. I asked this guy to the school dance. Yup, Ryan was the guy I asked. Ooooff- yup, it hurt, sooo bad. And he didn't even apologize for saying no. I felt so bad and stupid after, that I wanted to DIE! We haven't talked since, and it's been 15 days. Yeaaaa- weird. Last Monday we were supposed to write nice notes, and I wrote a really sweet one to him anonymously, so he could enjoy the sweet letter without the awkwardness of knowing it was from me.

Idk where to go from here, but I do know... I WILL NEVER CONFESS AGAIN UNLESS IM 100% SURE IF THEIR FEELINGS FOR ME OR THEY TELL ME FIRST! BEEN THERE, REGRETTED THAT!

AND... CRUSHES SUCK.

But.. I also love them. The BuTtErFlIeS you get when they are close to you, the things you think about them. The fantasies in your HEAD. Welp... so much for having someone like me back T o T

Also the first time I actually ever talked to Ryan was one day we had a school assembly in the gym, and I was behind him and his girlfriend(they were still together at the time) and a question came up he didn't know. If he knew I was the smart girl, and he turned around and asked me for the answer. I gave it to him, and he thanked me and gave me a fist bump. Yea. The girl he had never talked to before. I think that's when I blushed and realized I kinda liked this guy... but I never acknowledged it until him and his ex broke up...

SOOOOO YA!! THERE IS THAT!!! *hides*