Burned

Hard day (carina)

Carina's POV:

I walk into the house to hear Maya humming to whatever music she is listening to.

I walk in and sit at the counter.

"Hey how was your day?" Asks maya taking her music out.

"It was fine" I say.

Maya looks at me skeptical of my answer, "so I'm going to ask again and you're going to tell me the truth, how was your day"

"It was..." I look at maya, "it was pretty bad I had a patient that I am, or was pretty close to die"

She walks over to me slowly before embracing me in a hug.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Asks maya rubbing my back gently.

"Not right now," I say, "but food would help"

I look at maya's cooking, pasta.

"Well I hope it's good because you usually make dinner so I thought I'd try" says maya with a smile.

"Well that's very thoughtful" I say truthfully.

I sit down as maya fills our plates up with food and sets them down, one in front of me and on in front of her.

I start eating, it is really good, which was kind of surprising.

"It's really good" I says after I swallow another bite" I say.

"Thank you" she says before taking another bite.

We eat while I have maya tell me about her day, she told me how she and the team saved a little girl and boy from a car wreck. I know it's bad but it made me feel sad due to me not being able to save the woman and her unborn baby.

"You okay?" I hear Maya ask.

"Yeah why?" I question.

"Because you've been starring at the at the wall for five minutes" says maya, "are you sure you don't want to talk?"

"I just... ah... I don't like to talk about these things, because my patients don't die, they love and go on with their children and live happy lives but this time it just all went wrong" I say putting my head in my hands.

"Okay, tell me how it went wrong" says maya kneeling in front of me.

"She wouldn't consent to a c-section, and I told her at the beginning of the pregnancy that she'd most likely need a c-section, but she kept saying she'd never get a c-section so today when I told her that is the only option, she refused and both her and the baby died and I couldn't do anything about it... and her husband blames me" I say sobbing into maya's shoulder at this point.

"It's not your fault" she says rubbing my back, "I know you did everything you could, you always do"

"But maybe if I had done something different said something to make her change her mind" I start.

"No, no, you can't focus of the what if's because they will tare you apart" says maya grabbing my chin so I look at her in the eyes.

"Why do I feel like you are speaking from experience?" I ask with a chuckle.

"Because I am and what if's are fine at some point but they can't be your constant thought" says maya with a sad smile, "they will destroy you"

"Did they destroy you?" I ask.

"Yes" says maya, "because no one was there to tell me to stop with the what if's"

"Okay" I say pulling back to look at maya.

She wipes the tears out from under my eyes and gives me a smile, "how about we just watch a movie and snuggle on the couch tonight?"

"That sounds great"

"Good" says maya giving me a little kiss.