Dear 2021,
My start of the year wasn't that easy. I fell in love and got rejected the first time around. The second time I fell in love, I got cheated on and lied to. My heart has been broken since then and locked my heart deep in the sea where it belongs; where nobody could find it; where only I could swim to fetch it back.
But that's not the worst part yet. I lost my friends, the bestest friends I could ever have, because of a mistake that I did. I was so down, to a point that I could not see my life's worth. I admit, what I did to them wasn't forgivable. Hurting them that much. But I was hurt too. I said to my sister that I don't want to live anymore because of how much it hurt when they left me. This level of hurt was nothing compared to my heartbreaks in my love life.
My last hope at that time was our film "CITSALP". We were doing that film while I was so depressed. But I kept on pushing myself to move forward and forgive myself for what happened. Then I realized, I couldn't forgive myself, not of the gravity I did to other people. I hated myself for the mistakes that I did. I blamed myself over and over again. I couldn't see why I should forgive myself. But I did try to improve myself for myself. I slowly tried to change the bad habits that I did.
And slowly too, the seed of CITSALP, grew into a tree. With 25 international and local film festivals presented throughout the world, we have won our first international film festival in Porto Cesareo. We also have won in two local film festivals which are Seaning Kabataan and Rotary PSA Festival 2021. And I decided to pursue my life long dream of making my film, "Malikmata". (It's still on going but watch out for it in 2022!)
To be honest, I healed through CITSALP. It made me realize that I have a purpose in life. That my purpose is to bring awareness about our environmental state and issues. I have inspired a lot of people to change because of that film. And I couldn't have done it without my amazing team. I owe everything related to CITSALP to them.
Going back to my issues, I found myself finding some new friends that I cherish the most. I never expected that new friends would come along in my life but i'm thankful for them. Them and my old friends has been there for me through ups and downs.
This December, although my grades are not that high last semester, I got to have myself some time to fully heal from my past. And a miracle came through. Me and my friends went to Bolinao to have some fun. Later on, we repaired a friendship that i've ruined in the first few months of the year. Then, I learned to forgive myself.
I was staring at the beach at sunrise, telling myself that "it's alright". Forgiving yourself is one of the hardest things in life. In the wind and with the waves, finally, i'm letting go of the past. Whatever happened before doesn't reflect to how much i've grown today. And that's something that i'm proud of.
There are still problems ahead but i'm glad that you're with me in this. I'm glad to bring you to 2022 with a smile on my face. To new beginnings.
