Home is a Four Letter Word

chapter forty-nine

The Morning After the Fourth of July

Jake tried to stay in the shower for as long as he could, letting the steady drops of warm water wash away the nightmare that the night had been. He tried to wipe his face clean—tried to conceal the tears he felt running down his cheeks that he was afraid of even in the privacy of his own shower. Tried and failed because no matter how long he pretended to shower for, he had to get out and face what reality had to offer him. Outside of the shower were endless conversation possibilities with his mother, or terrifyingly enough, no conversation at all. Her silence would kill him if his father didn't first.

So with the blue towel that he tousled over his hair so that maybe the droplets wouldn't run down his face, and the gray t-shirt that stuck to his abdomen that he hadn't completely dried off, he left the comfort of the bathroom. He hadn't even opened the door completely before he saw where his mother was sitting out on his bed, tired eyes tracing over countless sports trophies that Jake never saw the point of. But once upon a time, the trophies brought his mother joy, and bringing her trophies every season brought Jake joy as a child, so even in the animosity he built for the objects taking up so much space on his wall, he cherished the way she looked at them.

"You never were very good at soccer, were you?" She shared a small smile while her eyes stayed pinned to the two soccer trophies on the bottom shelf.

Jake leaned his head over onto the doorframe, dropping the towel down to his side, fondly watching his mother's momentary bout of happiness. He didn't know how long it would last so he reveled in it dearly.

"No."

"You always kicked the ball into your own team's net." She laughed weakly. "Your father used to get so frustrated that McKenna would laugh at how red his face was."

She turned to Jake with the smile fading a bit.

"She was three, of course, but that didn't keep her from makin' fun of him then, and it certainly don't now."

Jake nodded, burying his smile into the doorframe as he thought about how lucky his sister was to be spending the night with Katherine instead of with the two of them in this state. He rationed that he was all the luckier for it. McKenna being home would have meant useless commentary about how the golden boy fucked up and how they should take it easy on her considering the circumstances.

Not that she won't get her chance to throw out useless comments tomorrow.

Today. He corrected himself.

His mother cleared her throat, her face rounding off into the more serious version of his mother that he had only ever had the good misfortune of meeting once or twice in his life. That smile was gone and with it faded any hope Jake had that she would be understanding and take it easy on him.

"Why'd you get pulled over?" She started, shifting her body to face the bathroom instead of the trophy wall.

"Tail light was out..." Jake avoided looking at her. "And swerving... turns out it was also curfew too."

"Quite the combo you got there." She offered, unimpressed.

If the words had been Connor's instead of hers, it might have sounded sarcastic and teasing, not carrying the laced annoyance it did now.

"I know." He nodded, swallowing any ounce of using humor as retaliation that he may have thought was a good idea.

"Where were you?"

What were you doing?

His hand snaked over the back of his neck, trying to seem more casual than he felt inside.