dear jimin

[eighty three]

june 10

dear jimin,

jin pulled up in front of a small apartment complex in a part of the city i've never been to before, wedged between a coffee shop and what looked to be a small dance studio.

he cast a look at me before putting the car in park and leading the way up the stairs.

almost as soon as he knocked on the door, there was a shuffling sound from inside. jungkook threw the door open with a smile, his eyes fixed on jin, but upon seeing me, his expression changed entirely.

i gave him as much of a smile as i could manage, shoving my hands into the pockets of my jacket as i cast a glance to the half-open door behind him. "it's good to see you, jungkook. do you mind if we come in?"

he quickly moved to let us inside even while the shock hadn't yet faded from his eyes, shooting a look at jin when he thought i wasn't paying attention, as if expecting an answer or an apology. maybe both.

i quietly stepped into his apartment, surveying its contents in hopes of gleaning some information about its owner. it had been nearly two years since i'd seen him. things were bound to have changed.

i gestured towards a framed photograph sitting on a little table placed in the entryway. it was a picture of jungkook and another boy that appeared to be around his age. they each had an arm slung across the other's shoulders as they posed in front of a stretch of gray-blue waves, big, bright smiles lighting up their faces.

"your boyfriend?" i asked.

jungkook blushed, quickly stalking past me to move around some of the messier items strewn about the couch. "no. that's my friend yugyeom. i don't have a boyfriend."

jin gave me a quizzical look as he sat down on the newly-cleaned section of the sofa, making himself at home. "yoongi got out of rehab a little over a month ago. he still hasn't quite figured out how to talk to people again yet."

the corner of jungkook's mouth quirked upwards, showing off a glimpse of that familiar bunny-like smile i've missed so much. "are we sure yoongi ever really knew how to do that?"

"ha ha." i said the words flatly, but i was smiling too.

jungkook seemed to relax a little bit at the simple sight, motioning for me to join jin on the couch as he took a seat on the little armchair across a small coffee table from us. i did as he asked and, for a moment, just allowed myself to look at him.

he'd grown into those big, clear eyes of his. they no longer seemed to follow everything around in awed wonder. instead, they regarded me carefully, as if trying to assess me.

he's taller than me now. i don't remember if he'd always been, but the three centimeter difference is painfully obvious now.

i met his eyes across the coffee table. "how have you been?"

he frowned a little. "i think i should be the one asking you that."

i smiled weakly. "i'm doing the best i can. taehyung's been nice enough to let me stay with him at his place for awhile."

at the mention of taehyung, jungkook flinched, those clear eyes of his clouding over slightly.

jin shot me another sharp look.

"good," jungkook said, but i could see he was struggling to force the words out. "i'm glad he's been helping you."

i learned that he's enrolled in school at korea national university of arts and that he's sharing the apartment with his best friend yugyeom, who's also a student there. he's majoring in dance, just like he'd always dreamed of doing. i'm happy for him.

he didn't seem to want to talk about taehyung again and did his hardest to avoid all mention of him at every given opportunity.

i didn't press him to say more.

as we moved to head back out again, i turned to jungkook in the doorway. "i know things between you and taehyung didn't exactly end well, but if you ever wanted to come over, i'm sure he'd really like to see you again. so would i."

he looked uncertain, shuffling uncomfortably on his feet. "maybe sometime," he mumbled.

i tried for one last smile as he closed the door behind me.

jin whirled to face me the second we reached the sidewalk. "what are you doing?"

i looked him straight in the eyes. "i'm trying to fix what i broke."