12:45am
i haven't written in a journal since i was probably ten years old, but apparently it's going to magically solve all of my problems. if it gets mom to stop asking me if i'm depressed every day without fail, then fine. i'll give it a go. i'd do anything to shut her up.
here's the problem, buddy. why am i calling you buddy? you're literally me. anyway.. i don't have anything to talk about. hand an empty notebook to a girl who has no life and the notebook shall remain empty. seriously. whose idea was this?
oh yeah, debra's. my beloved mother. you'll get to know her real quick-like, shitshow. that's what i'm naming you. shitshow. not that i needed to declare that — you know everything i know and i already know everything i know. this makes no sense. my mind is too full for me to write everything down. my brain cells are working way too fast for my silly little hands.
let's talk about today??? is that what i'm supposed to do? i feel like i'm not doing enough.
i was never planning on writing in a journal. mom has suggested it to me so many times, and the melatonin i took three hours ago isn't doing anything to knock me out, so i saw no other option. one thing just always does lead to another, huh? anyway, here i am unloading all of my thoughts on these awaiting pages.
also, can we talk about that phrase? "one thing lead to another." no shit it did. it's called a timeline. that's how life works. everything happens for a reason. you learn that in physics. equal and opposite reactions and such? example: i yell at riley for stealing my clothes even though she doesn't fit in them yet, she tells mom that i'm being a bully, and i get scolded. equal (well..) and opposite. one thing leading to another. in conclusion — DUH. why are we using that phrase like it's an excuse to do something dumb/embarrassing/bad?
anyways... what was i saying? oh yes. my thoughts. you don't want to know those. maybe another time. i am exhausted.
<3 a physically tired but mentally energetic mabel
