"You didn't have to do it!" I shouted as the tears streamed down my cheeks. We held eye contact as he walked towards me slowly. With every step, he took I wanted to retreat, but my body would not let me.
Shit.
Whenever he looked at me, my body was...
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"What do you mean he's gone?" My voice quivered as they slowly lowered me into the chair. "What do you mean?" My teeth were clenched as I could feel my body heating up. I looked back and forth between my father and the doctors. I caught my father's eyes, and the tears filled the brim.
"Hone...I-," his voice cracked. I stared at my father in disbelief. There was no way he was gone. How? I had him. Everything was going to be okay. He told me it was fine.
"Dad..." I said barely above a whisper. "Tell me this isn't real.... please." My body was burning, and I was beginning to feel lightheaded. He promised he would never leave. How could he just be gone...like he never existed.
I could feel my Dad lower himself next to me before hesitantly taking me into his arms.
"I'm so sorry, my sweet girl. I didn't mean to. I'm so sorry!" I screamed and pushed him away.
"This is your fault! You took him away from me! You did! You made him leave! He's gone because of you! You did this!"
"Honey! I only wanted to protect you!" he said with a pleading look in his eyes.
"Fuck you!" I shouted and turned to walk away. He had taken away the one person that mattered to me. The one person who made my life bearable. What the hell was I supposed to do now?
I woke up from my sleep surrounded by the darkness of my bedroom. My heart rate was elevated, and I was in a cold sweat. Waking up this way was a common occurrence, especially when I had the dream. It was the same dream I always had when I began to miss him. I missed him so much. God... It had been almost 2 years since that dreadful day, and the pain remained more potent than ever; I knew it would never leave.
In times like these, I did what I always do. I reached for my phone on the nightstand beside my bed but stopped immediately. I felt a heavy weight across my waist and turned my head to the side.
"Fuck," I whispered and turned my head to look at the ceiling. It was Joseph, my neighbor. I had completely forgotten he was there. This was his third time this week, but I didn't mind it. He was kind, good company, and recently a good lay. I slowly lifted his arm off me, careful not to wake him, then slipped out of bed. I grabbed what felt like a t-shirt off the floor and slipped it on, then grabbed my phone and went downstairs.
"What time is it?" I mumbled. I glanced at the kitchen clock to see it was 3:30 am. Gross. I plopped on my sofa and opened my text messages. I scrolled until I found his name. It was all the way to the bottom; it had been a long time since I texted him. I only did it when times were terrible, and my chest burned. I really missed him.
I clicked on his name and saw my last text. It was sent Monday, July 12 at 6 pm. I scuffed lightly to myself. I glanced over the previous text and smiled. I told him about my new apartment, job, friends, and how proud of me he would have been. I hope he's proud of me. After reading some of my old texts, I began writing my life update as I like to call them.
