"Everyone Knows Juanita"

incorrect quotes

Here have some incorrect quotes

Y/N: I'm having a mid-life crisis's
Mirabel: you're like 15 years old
Y/N:I MIGHT DIE AT 30

Camilo: if you had to choose between Abuela and all the money i have in my wallet, which would you choose
Y/N: that depends, how much money are we talking about?
Abuela: Y/N!
Camilo: 63 cents
Y/N: I'll take the money
Abuela:𝐘/𝐍!!!

Y/N: what happens when I press the brake and the gas at the same time?
Camilo: the car takes a screenshot
Y/N: for the last time, Get the fuck out

Camilo: What time is it?
Y/N: I don't know, pass me that saxophone we'll find out *Plays sax loudly and extremely out of tune*
Dolores: WHO THE FUCK IS PLAYING THE SAXOPHONE AT TWO IN THE MORNING
Y/N: it's 2 a.m

Abuela: WHY WOULD YOU GIVE Y/N A KNIFE
Bruno: I'm sorry. They said they felt unsafe
Abuela: Now I feel unsafe
Bruno: I'm sorry
Bruno: . . . Would you like a knife

Bruno: let me show you a picture from last night that really upset me
Y/N: Okay, But in my defense, Camilo bet me 50 cents I couldn't drink all that shampoo
Bruno: that's not what I wanted to- you drank SHAMPOO

Bruno: Where are you going?
Y/N: To get ice cream or commit a felony, I’ll decide on the way there

Bruno: Okay, truth or dare?
Y/N: Truth
Bruno: How many hours have you slept this week?
Y/N:
Y/N: ...Dare
Bruno: Go to bed.
Y/N: I don’t like this game

Bruno: Please, I'm begging you go to a doctor.
Y/N: I'm sorry is this OUR stab wound? Stay out of it

Bruno: Violence isn't the answer.
Y/N: You’re right.
Bruno: *sighs in relief*
Y/N: Violence is the question.
Bruno: What?
Y/N, bolting away: And the answer is yes.
Bruno, running after them: NO-

Y/N: *Stubs their toe* FUCK!
Bruno: Mind your language!
Y/N: What else am I supposed to say, “Woe is I”???
Bruno: . . .
Y/N: You have to accept that swear words are necessary sometimes.

Camilo: That’s one of my biggest fears. Like, if I ever woke up as a donut...
Y/N: You would eat yourself?
Camilo: I wouldn’t even question it.

Mirabel: You often use humor to deflect trauma
Y/N: Thank you
Mirabel: I didn't say that was a good thing
Y/N: What I'm hearing is, you think I'm funny

Dolores: If there's going to be a big dramatic scene, wait until I get back.
Y/N: Of course. I can't flip this table by myself.

Bruno: Y/N... Why did you draw a pentagram on the floor?
Y/N: Your text told me to satanize the house before you returned.
Bruno:
Bruno: I wrote sanitize, Y/N.

Camilo: I'm 10 times funnier and sexier than you
Y/N: 10 times 0 is still 0 though
Camilo: Jokes on you, I can't do math

Mirabels: It’s dark in here
Y/N: Don’t worry dude I got this
Y/N: *Stomps their feet*
Y/N: *Skechers light up*

Camilo: I turned out perfectly fine!
Y/N: Camilo, this morning you thought a ghost made your toast
Camilo: I DIDN’T PUT THE BREAD IN! YOU DIDN’T PUT THE BREAD IN!!!

Camilo: *Walking in to a room* Sorry I’m late... I was... doing things.
*Sounds of running footsteps progressively getting louder*
Y/N: *Out of breath* THEY PUSHED ME DOWN THE FUCKIN’ STAIRS

Mirabel: Ok, maybe playing ‘whose family is most dysfunctional’ wasn’t the best idea we’ve had. Y/N's been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can’t get them out...

Mirabel: What is your biggest weakness?
Y/N: I can be uncooperative.
Mirabel: Okay, can you give me an example?
Y/N: No.

Mirabel: *holding a bottle* Is this whiskey or perfume?
Y/N: *chugs entire bottle*
Y/N: It’s perfume.

Antonio: Sometimes I drink milk straight out of the container.
Y/N: The cow???
Antonio: What?
Camilo: Y/N, W H Y?

Antonio: Camilo, my old arch enemy.
Y/N: ... I thought I was your arch enemy?
Antonio: I have a life outside of you, Y/N.

Dolores: Y/N, keep an eye on Camilo today. They're going to say something to the wrong person and get punched.
Y/N: Sure, I’d love to see Camilo get punched.
Dolores: Try again.
Y/N, sighing: I will stop Camilo from getting punched.

Pepa, driving Y/N and Camilo: So how was your day?
Y/N: We almost got surprise adopted!
Pepa: What?
Camilo: We almost got kidnapped.
Pepa: Oh, okay.
Pepa: *slams on the breaks* WAIT WHAT?!

Dolores: Tell Y/N about the birds and the bees.
Camilo: They're disappearing at an alarming rate.