Philophobia

3.) Vacation

Lilith's POV:

I stared at the taffy on the table while contemplating my life decisions.

Why did he gave me a candy? Do I look like a toddler?

Am I five?

Iniling ko ang ulo ko para tanggalin ang mga unnecessary thoughts.

Napadako ang tingin ko sa TV na nagpeplay ng balita, nang mabanggit nito ang The Prodigy.

"Popular band, The Prodigy's Nostalgia album on May 26, extended on August 27"

Nagulat ako sa naging balita at madaliang tinawagan ang management for clarification. We put a lot of efforts and work on that album and they'll just gonna change the date like that?!

Matapos ang ilang ring ay sumagot na ang manager ng The Prodigy.

"What's with the sudden change?" Bungad na tanong ko sa kanya.

"It's CEO Yu's decision and it's been finalized" sabi niya na may halong takot ang tono, dahil narin siguro sa natunugan niyang displeased at pagkainis ko.

"Alright, bye" simpleng sabi ko bago binaba ang tawag.

I inhaled and exhaled many times to calm my nerves and when I felt myself calmed, I sat on my couch and melt.

Sa tagal ko sa industry, never nagchange ng date especially sa album ang mga clients ko. I feel anxious and nervous at the moment. Andaming what ifs na tumatakbo sa isip ko.

What if something went wrong? Is that too bad that they need to change the releasing date? Is it my fault? Don't they like my compositions? Aren't I being good enough? Am I not producing good songs anymore?

Ilan lang yan sa milyong milyong what ifs at katanungan sa isip ko na gusto kong hanapan ng sagot.

Sa lahat ng tanong isa ang pinakacrucial sakin....

"Am I not producing good songs anymore?"

Anxiety began to rise up as I thought of that possible reason. Maaari ngang hindi 100% tama ang hinala ko but, its still possible!

I love music and music is my life, thinking of the possibility that I am not making good songs anymore is very difficult to take.

Music is my lifeline, yan ang naging sandalan ko sa lahat. Sa hirap, sa saya, sa lungkot at iba pa. Kaya nga I think its ironic that what I considered as my salvation is the one who also causes my stress right now.

Should I call the CEO now? No-- maybe later?

Mukhang nasagot ang tawag ko ng magpop ang notification sa cellphone ko.

Kabadong kinuha ko iyon at binuksan. Medyo nakahinga ako ng maluwag ng makita ko ang text sa lockscreen. From CEO Yu, informing me about the meeting na mangyayari 5 hrs from now on.