A Lost Love

Chapter One

I don't have it in me to miss you. Not anymore. I'm exhausted. Drained, if you will. But it was your choice to leave, and I couldn't stop you. No matter how hard I wanted to try. No matter how hard I did try. You didn't care, you still don't. And you probably never will. But it's okay. All I can do is watch from the sidelines while you move on with someone who's not me.
I couldn't breathe. It felt like I was plummeting to my death, diving off of a cliff into the ocean. Tears spilling from my eyes faster than I could think. Did he really think this would be better for us? Or was he only thinking of himself, once again? The constant pain and fear he put me through, and I'm still praying he decides to change his mind.
We started off as friends. In groups of people, his eyes seemed to be the only ones to glow. Burning a fire in my heart, causing the butterflies to let loose in my stomach. I felt so deeply for him. Wasn't it obvious? I thought he knew. I thought he felt the same. Maybe he did. But not anymore. What changed? Where did we go wrong. I have so many questions crowding my mind.
But I would hate to bother him and make him hate me more. Because he does, right? He hates me? After everything I gave him, after everything I had to offer him. The hours I spent on the phone with him when I should have been sleeping. Does that mean nothing?
All I can ask is that you come home. I can't help but wonder if I'm ever on your mind like you're on mine. I can't help but imagine what must be going through your mind right now. But I have no way of knowing and it's absolutely killing me inside. Just come back to me. I'm standing here, under the sunset, arms wide open. How much more clear can I make it? We're meant for each other. You are my angel on Earth. I couldn't possibly ask for anyone else to fill the empty space in my heart that used to belong to you. So why'd you turn your back on me? I'm trying, my love. I would do anything to have you back in my arms again.
You made me feel like myself again. You made me feel like I was good enough. Was it all an act? I don't understand how one could cause this much pain to a heartless, carefree individual, especially you, my sweet, sweet baby boy.
You may have not been the first boy to hold my hand, or the first boy to touch my heart, but you were the first boy I loved unconditionally. The first boy I felt safe with outside of my home. The first boy to make me feel like I really meant something to you. We had so many great memories together, and I hope that someday you'll read this, and finally understand how much you shattered not only my heart, but my self confidence, as well.