You're The Devil in Disguise

Which We Are About To Recieve

"N-Ned?" I can't comprehend what's happening. Ned is right in front of me. This can't be a dream, It feels too real. Is he a ghost? An angel? I don't know what to think.

"Correct-a-Mundo, Reverend, It's me. This must be shocking, one minute I'm hang-dang-dangling from my shower, and the next, I'm right in front of you." Ned chuckles, "I see you got my note." He motions to the paper that I had found in his house, it's now on top of the dresser.

"I- I don't understand, you-" He puts a finger over my lips. "Oh no, you didn't fall for that malarky, did you? Is it not obvious? I can't diddly-die because, well, I'm the devil." My eyes widen, It feels like the whole world had been turned upside down and I was falling into a pit of darkness.

"Well look at you, confused, ain't ya. Probably thinking 'Ned Flander, the good Christian boy is actually the corrupt ruler of hell?' Well, It took my wife dying for me to realize it. Then, I discovered that the only way I could slip out of my old life was to fa-oodily-ake my suicide. And now here I am, Reverend, to see you."

He puts a hand on my face. "As the devil, I can see everyone's sins. The sin of greed, the sin of wrath," His face is just inches away from mine as he whispers, "The sin of lust." I feel my face turn red. "W-What are you talking about?"

"You sure did a lot of lustin' over me. In fact, the only reason why you started ignorin' me was to keep from committing the sin of Homosexuality." Ned plants a kiss on my forehead. "And believe it or not, you ignoring me only made me want you more."

I sit up and push Ned away from me. Sure, in the past I had felt a forbidden feeling of lust towards him, but now I know he's the devil, I can't love him.

He looks at me and breaks into a fit of laughter. "Oh Reverend, you really are naive. You can't get rid of me, I'm the devil." He sighs, "You're just going to have to learn to live with it."

"What are you going to do? Kill me?" I try to seem more confident than I am, but Ned sees right through it. "Kill you? Of course not, I'd never hurt the man I love. His wife, the thing keeping him away from me, now that's a different story."

"Y-You wouldn't hurt her-" I stutter, feeling like I might cry. He puts an arm around my shoulders, "And why wouldn't I? She's all that's keeping us apart." I try to pull away from him but he just holds me tighter.

"Y-You don't want to hurt me, right? Well, killing Helen would hurt me so much, I'd never talk to you again." The awful thing about this statement was that it wasn't fully true. Helen and I weren't in the best place and I wasn't too happy with her. Of course, I didn't want her to die, but I was considering a divorce.

Ned seems to buy my lie, "Well, I wouldn't want you to be sad, so that's out of the question." He pecks my cheek. "What can I do to make you mine?"

I can feel my whole body warm up and slight blush dust my cheeks. "I- I don't think that'll happen-" Ned cuts me off, "Because I'm the devil? That's the diddily-deal breaker?" He laughs, "You can't say it's because you don't love me, I know you do. I also know how you would fantasize about kissin' me in the confessions booth and how you wanted to hold my hand as we walked on the beach. I even know about your more intense fantasies."

He turns his head and kisses me, and I suddenly find myself letting him. Although I could easily pull away, I don't. He wraps his arms around my waist and pushes me against the wall. He kisses my neck, softly biting and sucking my skin. A moan escapes my lips, much to my dismay. Ned stops and looks at me, "I better go, I have a lot of things to do, but I'll be back before you know it." With that, Flanders is gone.

I sit down on the bed and trace the bite marks on my neck with my fingers. Oddly enough, I almost enjoyed having hickeys bestowed upon me by the devil. Laying down on the bed, I try to fall back asleep.