The Decision

Tonight, I gazed up at the waning moon and asked her for guidance. She whispered to me I need not seek her wisdom, for if I look inside of my soul, all resolutions will reveal themselves. As I laid with slumbering eyes, she shimmered her beams upon me; awakening me into a dimension that is lovely in its own peculiar way.

My indecisive love stands near, intrigued, yet uncertain. Battling inner angst is my greater priority. We are in a clouded hallway, both at either end. I continue further down the hall. My bare feet slide across the cool marble tile as if it was a fresh sheet of ice. My timid companion seems hesitant to proceed closer to me. I have been unfaithful; it is I who must restore trust. As I inch closer, we both recognize that a medium-sized box, constructed from deteriorated pine in the forests of our pasts, rests on the ground between us. Suddenly, static electricity and sparks occupy the narrow hall. I recognize the contents inside of the fragile crate are explosive. A braided rope made of red, black, and green strings burst out of the box, spilling onto the marble tile.

The rope is lengthy. It loops around the box, meandering in both directions. I fall to my knees, confident that I can ignite it with a single match. The sparks are peaceful as they graze my skin. They do not burn me. Instead, they are comparable to small water droplets. The sparks enter my body through pores on my face and neck, immersing my soul with flames of conviction, passion, and unbounded adoration. For what or whom, I am uncertain. I wonder if they produce related emotions within my silent companion.

I set fire to the braid, intending to explode the pine chest and destroy haunting images of the past. The small flame slowly migrates along the rope. The gray hue of my eyes retired, returning the pigment to their former radiance of bright cornflower. I gaze at my confidante. One eye exudes devotion and enthusiasm, mirroring the same shade as both of mine. The other remains gray. The small flame extinguishes during its travel. I restore the rope, noticing that the single match I used initially was in perfect condition. This time I step on the fire because I am apprehensive that is my right to demolish the crate. Regardless of whether I may do so, I have the opportunity and a decision to make. Should I choose to rid this box, it will gift me a new start to life, filled with prospects of financial security, comfort and stability. However, all life lessons learned will have perished. Every aspect of who I am, what I stand for, and what I believe, because of personal circumstances, will not be. Memories of difficult time periods will dissipate, along with wonderful ones. The sparks from the box die, the static has disappeared. Nothing but silence exists in the hall now. I glance up to see the one I love standing beside me. For the first time, he speaks.

"So, you can make smart decisions sometimes. Your self-assurance and determination to defeat your past confined you inside this hallway from the start. Please understand and respect that your decisions; out of your own free will; define who you are. One cannot, and should not, delete memories, whether painful or celebratory. You must learn from them and grow into the person you want to be. It is never too late to reinvent yourself or to start over. There are no rules for when you decide to live a life of purpose. Every day is your decision."

His eyes are now both cornflower blue. In fact, they were the entire time. My insecurities created illusions that he was apathetic. He is the antithesis of indifference. His patience proves that he loves deeply. He stood by my side until I grasped what I was negating to learn.

I gaze up at the sky to see Mother Moon watching me, glistening through the glass ceiling above the hall, and ask her yet again for direction. She speaks with pride in her voice, grateful for my newfound epiphany. With splendid candor, she commits to always be there for counsel, yet I must trust my inner clairvoyance. She tells me everything is in the hands of Father Time, whom I believe knows where my fate and destiny lay. But he focused his attention elsewhere. Perhaps he is attempting to enlighten other souls whose need for guidance is far superior to my own. Despite ignorance and pain in all of our pasts, we must remember where we have been and how we got there. Experiences produce a clearer vision of where we go next. We shall accept each quest gracefully, with higher mindfulness and patience.