Freedom of Self

Chapter 11

The following week leading up to his trip to Hakone, Arata felt terribly jittery. Once the restaurant had closed and he found himself with too much free time for his liking, the young man tried to keep himself busy. He dropped by his university to see what he could help his professor with but even he was on leave. Mayama was away visiting his girlfriend's family and Hayashida had gone back home to Osaka immediately after his last exam.

By the time Wednesday rolled around, Arata felt somehow out of place, wondering if he should have gone to see his parents as well. Perhaps it was best to travel over five hours each way by bullet train in order to endure a wordless dinner with them every once in a while. Keeping up the pretenses, as it were.

Taking a deep breath, Arata flopped on his bed and rubbed his forehead. It would be useless, a waste of time for all three of them. The young man didn't even understand their expectations of him anymore. He worked like hell, to the point he didn't know what to do with a day off. Ever since he was a boy, Arata minimized his achievements and kept pushing himself to do more and impress everyone. The young man's modesty was fueled by the fear of being accused of settling for mediocrity and while his choice of career was his own and he studied for his own benefit, Arata often wondered how far he would have gotten without his desperate need to prove himself to his parents. What would he need to accomplish in order to please them? For a while now, he feared he would have to accept the idea that no matter his efforts, his dysfunctional family could not turn back to normal.

I'm tired, Arata thought to himself. I'm always the one scrambling to make amends.

A sudden high-pitched giggle from next door broke the silence in Arata's apartment.

"Don't tell me..." the young man frowned, sitting up on his elbows.

"Come on!" the playful giggling continued and Arata groaned in exasperation, rolling his eyes. His neighbor sure lived a carefree life, having so much free time for sex.

Sitting up, the young man looked in his backpack for his headphones to drown them out, but the moans already started faintly seeping through the thin wall. Vexed, Arata turned more and more frantic in his search, abandoning hope of finding the much-needed headphones in the bag and turning to the hanger for his jacket.

The shrill sound of his ringtone startled him, breaking his focus. Picking up his phone in a hurry, he glimpsed Matsushita-san's name on the screen and noticed that in his haste, he had accidentally answered the call.

"Wakahisa-kun?" the older man's voice came in quietly and, mouth agape, Arata racked his brain for what to do.

"Oh! Yes!" he put the phone to his ear and scrambled to reply. With the other ear he could still hear some muffled grunts coming through and, panicked, the young man cupped the phone in his hand to cover the microphone.

"Uhh... are you busy perhaps?" Matsushita-san enquired after a small pause.

"What?!" Arata shrieked, clutching his phone and turning in place, at a loss. "Ah, no, no, no, not at all."

"Are you sure? I-"

"Certainly!" he cut him off shrieking, darting to his small balcony and closing the glass door behind him. "What could I be busy with? I'm not busy at all."

Taking in a deep breath to calm his nerves, he sat down and apologized.

"Good evening. I'm sorry, I had just, umm... spilled some tea when you called and I didn't want it to seep into the mattress." the young man conjured up an excuse and certainly a much more innocent alternative to reality.

"Alright, you sounded agitated at first and I thought I might have caught you at a bad time." Matsushita-san confessed, amused.

Oh, yes, the worst time. Arata thought to himself.