Cockaigne

Epilogue

after a moment's hesitation, he takes the yellow blanket from his bed, and wraps it around his shoulders. the candle flickers as he finishes the journey, almost blowing out as Jin swings the door open, cool air from the open window shivering into the gaps between fabric and skin.

the manor kitchen is familiar enough that Jin can pick out ingredients easily in the darkness, testing bags by weight and feel to judge what he needs. the quiet clatter as he moves is familiar and soothing, lets him straighten out his thoughts as he decides what to make, how he wants to work.

Namjoon wants him, is the thought that echoes. Namjoon looks at him with something terrifying in his eyes, and listens to him like every word is important, and gasps Jin-ah when he wants to be kissed.

before he even realizes it, Jin is smiling.

he's rinsing out a bowl of raspberries, when the door to the kitchen creaks open. Jin pauses, facing away, and feels the smile slip from his face. the tension is back, anxiety fluttering in the pit of his stomach as soft footsteps come closer, closer.

"i thought you'd be here," Namjoon murmurs, in the same voice Jin has come to know. he turns slowly, watches Namjoon look at him, from his messy hair to the shirt he's still wearing, to the way his fingers are braced against the sides of the bowl. Jin takes a deep breath, and forces himself to relax. this is the most familiar thing to him. Namjoon, softened, in the kitchen.

"i wanted to think," he finally says. "this is the best way i know how."

Namjoon steps back. his fingers brush against the blanket, crumpled on the low table. "do you want me to go?"

Jin thinks about the kitchen, empty as he works. about Namjoon during past nights, heels tapping out a rhythm as he'd sat on the counter with the blanket around his shoulders.

"please stay," he finally says. he has to work not to adjust his voice, now that Namjoon knows. "you can help, if you want."

the smile sticks on Namjoon's face, as he rinses his hands and steps up to the counter.

they work in silence, at first. Jin shows Namjoon each step of making the dough for the rolls, and walks him through mixing the filling himself. he lets him try working the dough, and they find that Namjoon's arms are used to the strain of a sword, rather than a spoon.

"you're just broder," Namjoon teases, when Jin has to take the bowl back.

"that's not my fault," Jin mumbles, and watches a fingerful of filling disappear as Namjoon's retaliation. "i'll still smack you."

Namjoon grins, but doesn't push his luck to swipe another taste.

after the buns have been rolled into thick logs, Jin works quickly to cut them individually, and Namjoon works with sticky fingers to organize them onto trays. his lips are almost as pink as the raspberries, Jin thinks, and forcibly pushes down on it. he wants to reach out and pull Namjoon to him, taste the berries on his lips, but it's not the place. not the time, not when he's so uncertain of the future; what happens after the sun rises, and the party starts back toward home.

"you can ask," Namjoon says, as Jin slides the last tray into the oven. "if you want to know something, you can ask me."

Jin sets the peel down, arms long used to the weight of it. he gathers himself, as Namjoon sits cross-legged on the table with Jin's blanket over his lap and watches with the same gentleness Jin has come to know.

"i don't know," he finally says. "i don't know what i'm doing. what you want this to be."

Jin isn't a stranger to offers from nobles. some of the summer Lordlings have approached him, over the years, with salacious grins and jingling sacks of coins on their belts. he'd always sent them away, uninterested and ever-aware of the constant cycle of rumors between servants. this, though, with Namjoon, is as different to those offers as they are in station.

"i want everything." Namjoon drops his hands into his lap, picks a little at his nails. he doesn't break his gaze, though; doesn't seem to be remotely ashamed. Jin burns with heat from the oven, and something else. "anything you'll let me have, Jin-ah."

"and—the most?"

Namjoon takes a breath. straightens his shoulders, closes his eyes for just a moment longer than a blink.

"i want to court you," he says, without a waver to his tone. "with all the grace and courtesy you deserve."

it's like the wind has been knocked out of Jin's chest, leaving nothing but emptiness in the place behind his ribs. he fumbles for something to hold on to, ends up gripping the warm stones next to the oven, where they've been laid unevenly. Namjoon's eyes are wide, knuckles white where he's got them clenched. Jin shudders in a breath, the air burning his throat.

he doesn't know what he'd expected. all he knows is that suddenly he wants, with a ferocity that could consume an entire kingdom. he wants more mornings like this, wants more kisses, wants to know every inch of Namjoon under his palms and lips. he wants more than the three day's journey back to the kingdom, and a servant's life in the kitchen.

he wants, and wants, and Namjoon is offering.

"Namjoon-ah," he breathes, the name as familiar on his tongue as his own. "yes."

that morning, the crown prince's party leaves the manor behind.

Jin hugs Yoongi goodbye, and promises to write, and almost suffocates in Hoseok's embrace before they let him go. the manor is sleepy and hungover, and so they're waved off by Yoongi and Namjoon and Taehyung, who stumbles from his rooms with hair sticking up in every direction and immediately starts tormenting Yoongi.

Jin shoulders his bag, stuffed a little too full with a new pair of clothes, and follows the carriage until the manor is out of sight. he burns with embarrassment at Felix and Wooyoung's gentle teasing, and keeps his mouth shut tight, and clambers into the empty carriage with the rest of them when Namjoon leaves it to mount.

everything is the same as the journey there—except this time, when they pause to let the horses rest, Namjoon greets him with a kiss.