The Art of Longing

[63] The Snip and a Trip

We made it back to London on the evening of the 18th, which meant we had the following day to prepare the house for the extensive deliveries we were expecting on the 20th, the kitchen and a lot of other furniture. It would be good to see the house coming together more and more, becoming habitable properly.

Once in London, we didn't bother going out into the countryside, instead we spent the evening and night in my flat. Brian had arranged for Richard to pick us up at the station and drive us to the flat. Always having someone drive us around was something I had to get used to, especially in London. It was weird, but Brian had his reasons for preferring this mode of transport, so I went along with it, it would have been silly to travel separately.

Back in my flat, it felt like coming home - even though my fridge was pretty much empty. We decided to get takeaway and cosy up in my living room.

"So," I mumbled with my mouth full. "What's the plan now?"

Brian looked at me and raised his eyebrows. "Now?," he mumbled, and put down his slice of pizza. "Right now? I don't know, uhm, you want to do something? I thought we'd maybe unpack and... I might take a shower."

I smiled at him and placed my hand on his knee. "I should have clarified, I was talking about the next days, but you can certainly take a shower, my dear, " I said with a smile.

"Oh," Brian said, and picked up the slice of pizza again. "Good," he said with a smile. "I was a little worried that you had a whole agenda planned for today, it's getting late and the trainride was a little tiring. I might call my parents if that's okay and let them know I'm back, and I wanted to invite them out to the house if you're alright with that." I shrugged and nodded. 'Yeah, sure, it's your house, so why not?"

Brian chuckled and placed his hand on mine. "El, it's our house," he emphasised. "I'm not going to bring anyone there that you don't like or without your approval."

Somehow, that kept slipping my mind. I turned my head and looked at him. "You wouldn't bring anyone there with out my approval?"

"No, of course not. Not without telling you at least, but maybe we need to talk about those things more. Have you ever lived with someone since Lynn moved out?"

I shook my head. "No, not in a conventional sense.."

Brian looked at me and furrowed his eyebrows. "What other senses are there?"

"Nothing weird," I assured him amused. "But when I was on longer assignments in nature I usually shared accommodation with someone. Or when I was at home to help Betty with Tommy in the beginning, but since Lynn moved out no one moved in, and I haven't moved in with anyone else since then."

Brian hummed. "And I think I'm the complete opposite, I haven't lived alone in a very long time. And I think it's fair that we need to figure out owning a house together. I've done that before but... as you know that didn't exactly end well. So we can figure it out together."

"I think we have to," I agreed. "And I need to get it into my head that it is our house, and not just yours."

Brian shifted on the couch to face me. "You really struggle with that, huh?," he asked. "Do you know why?"

"Mmh," I mumbled. I was quite certain that I knew the reason, but part of me thought that it would make me look very superficial. Nonetheless, it was Brian, so I decided to tell him. He deserved to know, even if it would made me look superficial. "I think it's probably because you paid for everything, and in my mind, that makes it yours. I know we agreed on it, and I know that legally we're equal owners, but I just can't seem to get my brain to accept that - yet. I mean, at this point you should know that I'm weird, but at the moment, if we were to have a disagreement about the house I'd probably just give in because... well, you paid for it. And you're just kind enough to let me stay there."