Butterflies

Familiarity

Butterflies, burning skin, increased heartbeat.

You are either in love or dying.

 Cold and crisp air hit my face as I rushed through the cold streets of Seoul trying to get to the café. My fingertips had turned a shade of cherry red as blood rushed to them. I entered the café quickly taking in the warmth and the strong smell of coffee and baked goods. The music was sombre but warm. I sat down in the corner of the café overlooking a window and set down my things. I opened up my laptop to start writing but my fingers wouldn't move. I had no clue what to write.

The company I intern for is pressurising me into writing a romance novel. I would write one but I don't know how to.

You see I'm not the kind of girl that gets asked out, I'm not the kind of girl that gets love professed to sitting in a café. I'm also not the kind of girl whose love gets accepted. I am the kind of girl who wants poems written for her, I am the kind of girl who wants to feel loved and warm.

I sat in the same café for three hours and the only thing id written is the date.

I slowly began to put my things inside my bag and then I removed my tied hair letting my hair fall free. I put on my scarf and walked out the door once again cold air hitting my face. The streets were beautifully covered in snow and the children were playing in the cold, making snow angels and having snowball fights. I wanted to make snow angels and have snowball fights too.

December is always a pretty time of year in Seoul. So many lights put up, all the pretty cafes and the big tree downtown. As I was walking home the papers, I had in my hand fell down and were pushed away with the wind. I kept walking; those pages weren't important they were just some poems I had written when I was sad. I wanted to throw them anyways.

I soon reached my college dorm and walked in. I waved at the lady who sits at the front desk of the dorms and went over to the vending machine and grabbed a juice box. As I was about to enter the corridor that leads to the rooms, I heard the main entrance to the dorm open. I turned back to see a guy dressed in all black standing with two bags by his side. My cheeks suddenly became really warm, there was some sort of familiarity in his face. Suddenly I realised I was staring too much so I turned back around and walked away.

I need to get comfortable with being alone. Sometimes healing is a very lonely process.

I put on my headphones and my shoes and left my dorm to run a bit. Running helps me think and it gets my blood flowing. I got out and the cold air went into my nose making my nose hurt a bit and my eyes water. I stretched and began to jog around campus. After about five minutes of jogging, I reached my favourite part of campus, the old ice-skating rink. I made my way inside and after making sure I was alone there I increased the volume if the music I was listening to and just let my body flow and move however it wanted to. Just fully letting go of any inhibitions and being myself for some time. After some time I felt like someone was watching me and I turned around to see the guy I had seen previously in the dorms. This time he was wearing earphones and waiting.

I stumbled my way out of the rink bowed at him and apologised. Before I could leave, he held my hand and pulled me back where my eyes met his gaze.

"You could stay you know, I don't bite," he said to me.

His touch set off a million fireworks in my mind and my cheeks felt like they were burning up. He held some sort of familiarity in his eyes and I just couldn't place it. It felt so warm it felt like home. I did not want him to let go of his grasp on my hand. My stomach danced every time he looked at me, his gaze alone felt like it could melt me.

"No, I better get going," I said before I ran out of the rink.

I ran all the way back to my dorm room and shut the door behind me trying to process all the feelings I was having at the moment. My head spiralling and a million different thoughts accompany me.