Temporary Title

Sinner

The walk home is always kind of sucky. I'm just reminded of the world I live in, how my friends have it easier, how I'm not supposed to be here. Rows of posters on bulletin boards advertising the nearest church, telling you to come to God, warning you, don't sin, you'll go to Hell. My phone rings, a sharp radar noise from my pocket.

"Hello?"

"Hey! Can we come over?" It's Abel, of course.

"Uhhh who's 'we'?" I bite my lip, I'm always nervous around phone calls, even if they're from friends.

"Me and Tobias, duh?"

I sigh, probably audible through the phone.

"Yeah, sure. Just remember to take your shoes off when you get inside."

"Thanks, Pallas! We'll be there in a few," he promptly hangs up, leaving me to walk home alone. Kicking rocks the whole way, I finally make it to the small house our family shares. Just me, Mom, and sometimes Dad. Tobias and Abel are already standing on the porch, chatting to pass the time. I pick up my pace, jogging over to let them inside, with the pleasant side effect of being able to go indoors myself. I greet the two boys, they greet me in return, and I muster up the courage to knock on the door before unlocking it. Dad says he likes the warning, and I don't feel like dealing with him today. There's no response, only silence, and I take that as a sign that no one's home, a deep calm washing over me. The keys jingle as the lock clicks and the doorknob turns, the hinges squeak.

"Take off your shoes," I remind Abel. He rolls his eyes.

"I know, I know."

I stumble into the kitchen, searching for notes from my parents, eventually discovering them on the table. I read the one from Mom first.

Hey kiddo, I have to work a double shift tonight, so I won't be home until late. Please take care of yourself, remember to eat!

Love, Mom

Then the one from Dad.

Pallas,

Don't expect me to be home until March.

God bless you.

Not even a name at the end. I toss my backpack against one leg of the table, making it shake momentarily. I return to the living room, where Abel is sprawled out on the couch, taking up the whole thing, while Tobias is sitting calmly and patiently in the armchair nearby. Abel is staring at me with pleading eyes.

"Yes, you can raid the fridge."

He pumps his fist in the air, jumping off the couch and running, sprinting into the kitchen and throwing the fridge door open. I take the opportunity to take a spot on the couch cushion. Tobias doesn't say anything, neither do I, creating tense silence.

"I have to tell you guys something," I say suddenly, surprising even myself. Now I have to tell them. But what if they reject me? What if they think I'm disgusting?

"What is it? Are you gay?" Abel jokes, taking a bite of cold pizza. I just look down at the floor, trying to avoid answering for as long as possible.

"Wait, are you?" Abel just pries harder. I take a deep, shaky breath through my mouth, then look up at him.

"Yes."

His jaw drops, his eyes widen like a deer in headlights. He's frozen, paralyzed in place for a moment before stumbling back against the wall. I approach, intending only to lend a hand, help him back to his feet.

"Don't touch me!" He screams, "God would never forgive me."

He stands up on his own, creeping against the wall so that now he's turned against the front door. Tobias is just staring at him, an angry, defensive gaze.

"Have fun in Hell, sinner," he shouts, slamming the door behind him as he leaves my house. I turn back to Tobias, shaking, anxiously awaiting some kind of backlash, more yelling, maybe, possibly even a hard slap in the face. But it never comes.

"It's okay."

I look up.

"I'm queer, don't worry about that. What we do have to worry about is Abel reporting you," Tobias speaks quietly, almost in a whisper, as if someone would overhear us and as if the entire neighborhood doesn't already know from Abel's screeching. He stands, making him much taller than me, and comes closer, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. I should be upset, shouldn't I? One of my best friends just betrayed me. I should be angry, sad, upset somehow, but the tears don't come and I can't feel anything but numbness. We just stand like this for a minute, a few minutes. We already know what's going to happen. Abel's going to tell his parents. His parents will call the police. The police take me away, and only gods and dead men know what goes on in the institutions.

Then there's a knock. A hard, heavy, full-bodied knock on the door, and my heart races in my chest. They knock again, harder this time, shouting something. One more time. A warning, open the door or we break it down. So I look up at Tobias, his eyes dripping with tears full of sympathy and grief.

"I'll see you on the other side," he whispers. I can't do anything but nod. The door creaks as it opens, just like it always has.

"Are you Pallas Brook?" The man in a full black uniform asks.

"Yes," My voice cracks. He grabs my arm, forcing me out of the doorway and dragging me into the open back of a grey van. I don't try to fight it. I know my fate now. So when the man closes the driver's side door and starts the vehicle, I push down every emotion that comes to me. After all, men don't cry. Men don't get scared. Men accept the end.

I'm once again dragged, this time out of the van, struggling to balance myself on the gravel walkway.

"Follow."

The command is spoken as if I'm some kind of dog, an animal expected to obey directions. Despite my discomfort, I follow the man in the uniform. He brings me to a concrete room, empty aside from two old-looking beds.

"She will be in shortly."

And he exits without another word. Some context would be nice, but I suppose I would also be terrified out of my mind if I truly knew what was going on. There's some commotion in the hallway outside of the closed metal door before it is opened, only making the din louder. A dark-haired boy, maybe a little taller than me, is tossed into the room. He screams a string of obscenities before the door is slammed shut and locked.

"Hi?" I state it more like a question. The boy smiles.

"Hey. I'm Judas."