We had the most amazing three months of correspondence, texts, skyping and even phone calls, as we eventually agreed that we'd speak at least once a week and I was dying to hear the sound of his voice again more and more every time. He also managed to get my home adress one month in, with the excuse of sending me some textbools and essays on Shakespeare that I might find interesting. Which led to an ongoing back and forth exchange of parcels. I sent him books, movies, one particular time even some spanish wine and delicatessen appeared on his doorstep, and he sent me my favourite british chocolates in exchange. He also sent me the sweetest little surprise treats, including recordings of his voice reading me the poems we has discussed about that week, or even adorable home video footage of himself performing some incredible Shakespearean soliloquies. The moment had arrived. I had to tell him and I was terrified. Scared to death not only of rejection, but also of not having chosen a good moment for me to dare to do this, as I knew he was terribly busy with his new play. I had booked a flight to London in two weeks, with the excuse of going to see a friend living there. I would be there for the weekend. Only my sister knew I kept in touch with him.
"Darling that is fantastic news! I know I'm gonna be busy but I'll do my best to spend as much time with you as I possibly can, I promise!"
"See you in two weeks Tom. Two weeks. I cannot wait"
"Me neither gorgeous"
A couple of days later I received a small package from Tom. It contained a ticket to see him in "Coriolanus". He asked me if I would tell my friend about us, and I hesitated, so he figured I would go on my own. There was also a small jewellery box and a handwritten note. I opened the box slowly. It was a beautiful silver pendant in the shape of a quill, and it had "Tom" engraved in beautiful ancient letters on the back. It finished me off. I had not cried for him before. I read the note shaking.
"My beautiful Bea, I hope you accept these humble presents from a besotted Englishman missing his muse. Looking forward to see you. Love, Tom"
He was "besotted". And he had never signed anything with the word "Love" before. Why on Earth did I still have to wait two whole weeks to see him?. The days would pass painfully slow.
Tom and I exchanged a few texts right before I was due in London. I reassured him over and over again that I was ok with him not being able to pick me up at the airport and I could my way to the hotel and the theater on my own. But he suspiciously kept insisting in knowing my flight details, saying he might be able to send someone on his behalf. When I finally got to the arrivals terminal on Heathrow Airport, I scouted the room half expecting a driver with a tag with my name on it, but also trying to find my quickest way out or I was gonna be late to the play!. What I never in my million years was expecting was what caught my eye within 30 seconds, making me smile with a grin that split my face in two.
Tom. My precious Tom stood there with a shy smile on his face. It was December in London, so it was awfully cold, and he was covered up head to toe with a long navy blue coat and a pearl grey scarf that lit up his eyes, but to me it was perfection. He had a small bouquet of blush pik teacup roses in his hand, and he held his arms wide open as I dropped my luggage on floor to throw myself into his embrace.
"Tom! You're here!"
"Hey! Welcome to London, gorgeous!"
He kissed my cheek and forehead. We both knew we were ready for more than those shy kisses, but we also felt that was not the time and place somehow, not our moment, and that when it finally came it would be special. I started sobbing into his chest out of nowhere.
"Come on darling, no crying ok? I don't wanna see you or make you cry"
"I'm sorry. I'm just so happy to see you"
"Me too, Bea, me too"
He helped me carry my suitcases outside the airport, leading me quickly by the hand. By the hand. I had touched him briefly before, but this time it felt so different. It felt safe, loved, and meant to be. I did not want to let go ever again. Yet we both knew that we probably had to. We laughed together catching up all the way to the hotel, but we sadly parted ways for the time being. I needed a shower and a change and Tom had to soundcheck and to prep before the performance. I treated myself to a nice new dress for the night. It was a tiny bit over my usual price range, but this deserved the splurge. It was a beautiful peacock blue velvet with long sleeve and a low cut neck to show off my precious quill pendant.
I arrived a little bit early to the Donmar Warehouse. I texted Tom to let him know that I was there.
"Break a leg! I hope I can see you later"
"Thank you darling. I will send someone to get you backstage for the intermission. Keep an eye on that"
I felt Tom's eyes on me all the way during the first act. In spite of this being a sold out day, he had managed to get me a pretty decent seat. As soon as the intermission started I felt a light tap on my shoulder."Mr Hiddleston would like to see you backstage, Miss". I nodded and followed the girl through particularly claustrophobic narrow corridors towards Tom's dressing room. The girl knocked gently on the door. "Mr Hiddleston, she's here"
"Thank you Becky, please send her in". Tom replied in a gentle but firm tone. He was probably already knackered. I slowly pushed the door open and stood still under it, not wanting to invade his personal space for some reason. I felt intimidated all of sudden. And kind of aroused. The concentration in his eyes was a major turn on. His face was covered in fake blood and he had a dressing gown on, protecting his fancy costume. He was sitting down in front of the mirror, and his reflection smiled at me, lightening up my mood instantly."
"Hi darling, hope you're enjoying yourself?"
"Are you freaking kidding me, Hiddleston? This is one of the coolest things I have witnessed in my entire life! You're incredible! And Mark! And Hadley! And Brigitte!"
"Flattery will get you everywhere, darling"
I blushed and stopped rambling.
"You look beautiful. Glad you liked the quill"
"I loved it, Tom. Thank you so much"
"Listen, as much as I'd love to get a good luck kiss from you, I'd get you all messy with the fake blood and my make up girl would murder me!
I blew a kiss to him. I saw his reflection catch it in the air with his hand and place it on his heart, staring at me all the way through the proccess.
"Thank goodness! Now the second act won't suck as bad! Sweetheart, I don't mean to be rude and you know it, but I gotta get going with this Coriolanus thing for a little while longer. You should get back to your seat. I'll text you later I promise. Bye, preciosa"
"Bye Tom"
Everyone stood up and clapped and cheered for a good few minutes during the final bows. I felt Tom scan the room again looking for me grinned when he spotted me. He blew me a kiss and I mimicked his motions from earlier, placing it in my heart. He gave a wink and I could've sworn he mouthed "I love you" but perhaps it was just me daydreaming. I headed outside the venue and as I was looking for a cab to go back to my hotel, my phone beeped.
"Hello darling, I would have loved to see you after the performance, but there's way too many fans out here and I just want you to be safe and sound. I am truly sorry but it is best for us both by now. May I make it up to you by taking you to dinner tomorrow? I'll pick you up at 8 o'clock in your hotel. Sweet dreams. Tom ❤️"
