Cruel Summer

chapter 2

Andrea

"Please get out," I pleaded.

He said nothing and took a step towards me, I took one step back. But his body came in contact with mine and he wrapped his arms around me.

I didn't hug him back.

I couldn't move. I simply let it happen, knowing a part of me needed this, him.

After a while, he pulled away and pressed his lips to my forehead. "Call me if you need anything," he said.

I nodded, watching him exit my room. What he didn't know was that I deleted his number. Almost right after that night, not that that'd do anything. I memorized it. Something inside me told me to forget about him so I did. Barely. But there was no use in going back, not when everything fell apart after that. Not when the forever I thought I'd have faded away and I woke up to a nightmare.

Being with him was a dream. One I didn't want to live again.

Numbly, I sat on my bed, staring at the floor where we just collided. I felt nothing. I couldn't even bring myself to cry.

It seemed like I was some kind of robot, living the same day over and over again. With no way to wake up again. I was trapped in a world where everything felt wrong.

The world I knew got completely flipped upside down and I was stuck, watching it all happen. Like a ghost living with the memories.

Something about seeing him ignited an unwelcome feeling in my chest, making my heart ache a little more. Just before the fire could start, I put it out and pushed the feelings away. Taking in deep breaths, I counted to ten and fought back the thoughts wanting to settle. I tried to rack my mind for anything that could help me breathe again. Alas, nothing.

Anything that could, would only make it worse. I couldn't afford to think about him. Because then I'd think about how I wasn't there for the one person who needed me. I'd think about Juni and how he deserved to live. If I could take his place, I would. Literally in a heartbeat if I got the chance.

I hated it here. I hated this city. This life. I hated myself endlessly. Forever.

But I wasn't there and now I was here, alone and trapped in my own body. Hating that he wasn't here like he should be. And August was a reminder that happy endings weren't real, not for everyone and definitely not for me.

I couldn't even think about him without feeling like my heart got ripped out of my chest, if I could feel anything at all. I just felt angry at the world.

Just as I thought it was finally getting quiet, I became aware of my phone vibrating on my nightstand, texts from my friends, from people I knew and people I didn't.

I zoned out a lot so I wasn't sure how long I'd been sitting there, thinking things through. Pursing my lips, I breathed out a sigh and read some of them on the notification bar then turned on "do not disturb" and turned off my phone. I didn't feel like talking to anyone and I wasn't sure if I'd ever be.

It wasn't the same anymore. Juni and I had mostly the same friends and I was just a reminder that he wasn't here anymore. I was just me.

So I ignored everyone, not wanting to accept the fact that soon, our lives would keep going on without him. Like it always did, life would go on. Whether I was ready or not.

I didn't even want to be in my room anymore, one of the only places I could actually tolerate being in without feeling like I'd been stabbed in the heart repeatedly.

Getting up, I grabbed my favourite black leather jacket and slipped on my shoes, slinging my bag over my shoulder. Without thinking on it too much, I exited my room and then, I was gone.