General Chang's Revenge - Boy's Love

Chapter 14

10 years later

I'm crazy.

I'm losing my mind.

It's been 12 years since I entered the palace. 12 years and the emperor is doting more and more on me.

My fame is spread in the country as the spoiled noble consort, they say the ruler is muddle-headed and the beauty is more important to him than state affairs.

I asked him permission to go out of the palace. I asked him to send my adoptive father to a border where there is no war so he couldn't gain more achievements. The emperor didn't even ask me why was I asking for that.

I asked to be excused from paying respects to the empress. I asked not to need to bow to the emperor and empress, I asked for gold and lands and businesses and he gave me all.

I asked him to arm the orphans I trained even though I had enough money to do it myself.

Without any questions, he keeps complying with my demands, no matter what it is.

I even asked him to make prince Gui, the little prince adopted under my name to be the crown prince.

His reply was: "Good, then you will be the empress dowager after I die and no one will bully you".

A voice interrupts my thoughts.

-When will you kill the emperor? - asks me Hai.

He is grown up now, a handsome young man that makes the ladies droll for him.

Many years ago, the emperor men found out that he is the bastard son of the prime minister so I had mixed feelings about him. I wanted to send him away but he begged me to stay and made a vow to follow me forever. The only problem is that he seems to be in love with me. Those amber eyes were always looking at me with love and devotion.

-Soon.

You always say that but look how many years has been. Are you forgetting your revenge? Are you going to let him go away?

Before knowing that Hai loved me, I told him my story.

The first thing he asked was if I loved the emperor. I said yes.

It was the first time I admitted that I loved him. I truly love him. And I hate him as much as I love him. Somedays even more. But still, I couldn't bring myself to kill him.

I just need an excuse, a tiny excuse...

Then I have an idea. Hai loved me. What if I tried to fall in love with him?

-Hai, kiss me.

-What?- asks him in shock.

-I said kiss me.

He doesn't even ask why; he just comes and kisses me.

I don't feel anything, no heart beating faster, no fire, no emotion. I was about to stop the kiss when I hear a sound. I look at the door and I see the shocked faces of the emperor and a eunuch. The emperor turns away without saying a word.

At first, I wanted to go after him and explain to him but then I thought it was best if I don't go. Let him think that I have an affair with Hai and then he will punish me and then I will kill him.

I wait and wait and wait for the emperor's orders to punish me but they don't arrive. I pace around until the eunuch that earlier comes with the emperor arrives with a written message for the emperor.

"I won't restrain your freedom but please keep matters outside the palace. And be careful to bot be found out by anyone".

I was shocked. Didn't he love me? How could he say those words to me? Just thinking about him with someone else was enough to drive me crazy, how could he give me his blessings to be with someone else?

Since that day the emperor acts like always and keeps spoiling me. I felt guilty for making him believe that I was betraying him so I told Hai to not come to the palace anymore, I would meet him outside.

The only difference is that now he is even more vigorous at night and leaves my body with more marks.

One more year.

I will let him live one more year.