Heartbeats [ON HOLD]

four | gears

◆◇ gears ◇◆

•─────⋅☾＊☽⋅─────•

Quyen doesn’t think that she has ever seen Thea smile quite so wide.

On a regular day, Quyen would be mildly miffed that Thea’s smiling so much, because one; she’s way too attractive for her own good, and two; she doesn’t get to smile when Quyen is hardly floating above water surface.

But after Friday, after their semi-cordial conversation in the Biology laboratory where Quyen realised that maybe Thea isn’t so far from human after all, she’s seeing her… differently.

It isn’t just seeing her though. It’s her thoughts, her entire perception of Thea has shifted, her colours have faded away from a bright, poison in silver chalice green to a more sage green. Like the succulents that Quyen has been looking up online, because if she can’t get her own life together, she may as well micromanage someone else’s life, even if that someone is a plant that barely requires nutrients.

Everything about Thea has changed, it’s like a switch in Quyen’s brain has finally flipped on (though her parents would likely argue the opposite) and the world is so much more clear.

And that’s absolutely fucking horrifying.

So, she’s been doing the only thing she could possibly do— ignoring Thea and inevitably ignoring the fact that she isn’t consumed by an incandescent rage whenever she spots her either at the library or the greenhouse or the mess hall or at the entrance to her dorms with her hair in a frustratingly imperfect bun and her hands shoved into her blazer pockets.

She wishes ignoring Thea came to her as easy as disliking her did.

Except now, she isn’t entirely sure if she even dislikes Thea anymore, because if she really disliked Thea, then she wouldn’t be so curious as to why there’s a smile that rivals the sun plastered on her face as she exits the Principal's office.

Her mind has always been her Achilles heel, and now, even though she knows that her perspective of Thea has changed, she still can’t stop her mind from assuming the worst of her, of why she’s smiling, because for some reason— her parents, they're always the reason—, her brain has latched onto the fact that people can only be happy if they’ve received an academic promotion.

She needs to know if she’s received an academic promotion. She won’t rest until she does, she knows she won’t.
So, quietly (and rather pathetically), she calls out, “Thea!”, instantly cursing herself because she isn’t like this. She isn’t supposed to be afraid of her position in Alderville being knocked over by some girl— is Thea still just some girl?— and she definitely isn’t supposed to sound so weak while talking to her. To anybody.

But Thea doesn’t seem to mind, or notice, if Quyen really thinks about it. The smile on her face is just as wide as it was when she first saw her as she spins around to face her, and all Quyen can think is, Fuck. She’s Valedictorian.

Voicing her thoughts aloud has never been her forte, so instead of asking her anything that could potentially make her seem even weaker than she already does, she just stares at Thea, waiting for her to say something.

Which, of course, she doesn’t. Because naturally, she has no idea what the fuck Quyen wants.

They never interact like this— it’s always hushed whispers of from the bottom of my heart, fuck you’s and malicious, glinting glares of I’m better than you and I’m going to prove it’s. Never conversations about anything that isn’t to bring the other down, especially not out in the open with the entirety of Alderville’s student population and their staff to see them.