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Chapter 5:

Each day in this hole feels like one year. John took me and destroyed my new beginning to my life on October nineteenth.

John keeps telling me over and over again how he finally found his forever in me. Dumbass thinks either one of us will live that long.

I was gonna give this up but couldn't leave Nelly. I'll escape one day. I hope. I don't know. At least John even though he's crazy at least somewhat cares.

It's better than my parents. I have always lived a lie, being with John in his made up fairytale life is no different. People have wrote my story before I could ever get my hands on it to write my own part.

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I look around this room. Why did he have to use cement floor? So what, his prisoners can't dig there way out?

Maybe I'm not a prisoner, sadly I think this is the most free I've ever been. Gosh, I wish he'd come back with Nelly I miss her. He said he was getting her spayed today. Being alone here just sucks. It's like every part of me is screaming and the walls are caving in.

If there's a God I hope he's getting a kick out of this. I mean all this bad in the world. Isn't it time for a great flood or some shit? All this rape and murder and starvation.

But I mean there's so many rich people in this world that could be doing more to help others. I wish they did. If I had the chance to be rich even if there was a potential I'd lose it, I'd do everything to give back. I've always had a thing for giving back to people.

A loud noise disturbs my thoughts. John and Nelly must be coming down the stairs. The door opens. I meet John at the door and give him a hug and a kiss.

"Wait... John where's Nelly girl", I ask him.
"Don't worry babe she's just resting upstairs I didn't have the heart to take her back down here". I look at him and give him my pleading eyes.

He rips out his phone and clicks a few things and puts his phone in my hands. I see Nelly laying on his couch upstairs snoring her head off.

Whew. I don't think I could make it through without my Nelly. She just listens like no other person has listened to me before.

"So Amanda... it's been about thirty six days, so I bought a test".

Fuck,no. Has it truly been thirty six goddamn days already. I feel my stomach fall out of my ass. He pulls out the Walmart bag he had stashed in his pocket. I pull it out to stare at a Clear Blue pregnancy test.

He grabs my chin to face him. He smiles and I can't make myself smile back. At this moment I hate him. I hate him so fucking much. I take the test and throw it and yell "fuck you"!

That's when he grabs me and throws me against the door. Before I can do anything else or get my vision in check he grabs me again and with my throat caught in his hands, I'm shaking so bad.

"Fucking do it again bitch, and you'll end up like all the others",he fumes.

I gulp. All the others... there's been more than just me? I always thought so but it wasn't confirmed until this moment. Despite my protest a single tear drops. John still has a tight grip on my throat.

I smile at John and nod. He slowly lets me go. I grab my throat and just feel the heat radiating off of it. I walk over to where I threw the pregnancy test. Bend to pick it up. Fuck my side is killing me from when I hid that steel door.

John follows me to the bathroom. Which isn't a closed in room by the way.

John grabs a plastic cup from the bathroom cupboard and hands it to me. I pee into it and hand it to him and he dips the pregnancy test into it and then sets it down on the sink. He lifts his phone to set the timer.

He sits on the ground against the wall.

"I'm sorry babe, truly. You just shouldn't yell at me, it kind of reminds me of my dad", John admits to me.

Is he actually expecting me to feel bad for him after he beat the shit out of me? Is this truly what's going on here? Or am I hallucinating.

I play his game and slide down next to him and lean my head on his shoulder. He wraps me in his warm embrace and I can't help but feel secure inside of it. Maybe if I'd just listen to him, he'd be nicer to me.

Ding. Ding. Ding.

John's phone alarm goes off. I think my heart just skipped about ten beats just now. Please...

John rushes to his feet and grabs the test off the sink and looks at it.

He pauses for a second and looks over to me and grins. He mouths "positive".

I can't believe this. Out of all the people in this world I get kidnapped by John and now I have to carry his baby. His crazy ass baby.

Maybe John throwing me against the door was enough to end this child's miserable existence.

But maybe I'd be just as cruel as John. John opens his arms and I cross over to him in two steps. He is so happy but I can't hear a word he's saying, all I see is a tiny baby screaming for me with John's captivating blue eyes.

I hate him and I hate this baby and I hate my parents for forcing my hand into this. If they just valued me and my feelings, I wouldn't be here right now.

Love language is taught, you aren't born with it. I attract toxic and abusive people. I mean look at me now. Pregnant with my rapist baby but in some sick way I care about John.

Fuck this. Fuck my life and fuck this pregnancy.