Let It Fall

Chapter 9

The moment Giselle lay her eyes on Xavier, she knew he hadn't slept the two days they were parted. He looked visibly thinner, dark circles formed under his eyes, and his hair was disheveled, lips dry. He leaned against the rock they usually sat on in their secret spot, watching her as she approached him.

One step in front of the other. She told herself to keep moving until she stood in front of him. He let out a shuddering breath.

"I thought you wouldn't come," said Xavier, his voice hoarse.

She had to battle the dilemma between her heart and her brain the entire day before she understood what she felt more. She let her lips stretch into a small smile. "I just want to know the truth. Will you give it to me today?"

She raised her hand for him in an invitation. He blinked twice at her, as if in disbelief, then walked a few more steps till he held her hand in his outstretched one.

He nodded and said quietly, "Will you believe me?"

She smiled in response.

He led her to the big rock, the mid-afternoon sun partly hidden behind silver clouds. He sat on the edge and looked up at her. Instead of sitting beside him, she sat on the opposite edge and rested her back against his. He let out a sigh but stayed silent for a few minutes.

Just when she was about to ask him, he said, "Before I tell you why I joined the gang or the things that led up to it, I just want you to know that I'm not making any excuses for the things that I've done." He exhaled. "And you're the first person I'm telling this to. I want you to listen patiently. I want you to let me complete."

His words sounded rehearsed as if he'd repeated this in his head several times before they met today.

"It took all of my strength to forget the memories that haunted me before I let myself love you. I don't like what it does to my head. It makes my world black and white and turns my vision red. I'm angry, Giselle," he said quietly. "I'm so angry, and I don't want you to see that side of me."

She didn't know if she was breathing properly. She stayed silent and let him say anything and everything he needed to.

Xavier, getting no reply from her, continued, "I'll understand if you wanna walk away after this."

She gulped. He was stripping his soul bare for her. Did she have it in herself to walk away?

"We used to live in Aquaville," said Xavier. "It's the most beautiful village in Nicoladafus, overlooking the ocean. When we were kids, we used to play in the water all the time as if we owned it.

"Our family was okay, I guess. I loved them with everything I had. My mother was the most selfless woman on this earth. The most compromising. Sacrificing. Beautiful. She took care of us in whatever way possible.

"Anyway, I had a younger sister. Amara." He winced as if her name burned. "I used to protect her even when we were kids. The tourists at the beach used to pick on her. I got into a fight almost every day and came home bloody. I wasn't a match for them by any means, but I had to protect my sister.

"Our parents didn't have enough money to send us to school, but our mom used to teach us everything she could. She'd save up little by little to get us things we wanted. She'd get nothing for herself. I don't think she knew that I noticed that. And my father..." Giselle heard him gulp audibly, "It was about time everything fell apart."

Giselle's breaths quickened. His words came as all over the place as his thoughts probably were.

"I was twelve. He came home drunk one day, which was almost every day of the week. He hit my mom." Xavier fell silent for a few moments. "He slapped her and I saw its imprint on her face. He'd never hit her in front of us before. Or maybe, our mom never let us see the abuse. I don't know.