One minute at home everything was fine. Bella went to the movies with Jessica, but then she saw the guys on motorcycles. She saw Edward's ghost and debated about going over. She still approached them, she still got on, Edward tried to stop her. She said he promised it would be like he never existed. Think about your sister. No, you need to think about her, go talk to her, you left us! Everything would've been fine if it weren't for the fact that she kept seeing his ghost.
When she came back, Jessica was freaking out. She wrote back to Alice that she saw him. Back with us. I tossed and turned all night long almost all the time. Having nightmares, screaming out. My siblings took turns calming me down. I had the skull always on my night stand. When I would scream it brought both of them emotional pain. Especially when Jasper had the connecting part.
They weren't upset with me, they were just worried. There was even one night where it happened again. It wasn't real, but I was still asleep when it happened. During that time, I was woken up, and asked if I was ok, and if I even noticed the room getting hotter or the room covered in "fire." Farrah didn't you feel the heat or the fire? No if this room was burning I wouldn't even notice, because the lies keep me up at night. All the pain, and the memories.
Tonight, was no different. I screamed and cried in pain. Your turn. Alice mumbles. When Jasper came to check on me, he found marks on my wrists. He figured it was just scars from when James hurt me. Different from his own scars from battles. Alice should've been able to find out that I was doing this, how did neither of them not know?! Alice could see the future, Jasper would've gone crazy smelling the blood. So how have I been able to go behind their back and do this?!
Soon I would be leaving, sooner than I thought. Back at home when Bella went to Jake's with motorcycles now that she was into those kinds of things now. They joked and laughed and teased, and then he asked her about Edward and myself. Soon they had everything in the like garage-y area working on the motorcycle that Bella had brought over. And then some of the guys came in, and they all started messing around.
Later that night now that she has started to hang out more with Jacob she always wanted to email myself or Alice, but they never got to us. For a while she was fine, at least with Jacob if she was ok, I was a little bit better, but not so much, because of the problems I was having. Things got better for a while. Until they weren't again, and then their found in the truck driving past the cliffs.
When Bella sees the guys pushing each other off the cliff she freaks out. Hey don't worry Bella their not actually fighting. They're cliff jumping, scary as hell but it's such a rush. Wow really? Yeah, but most of us jump from lower ground and leave Sam and his cult, and Farrah to the showing off. You mean Farrah does this too? Yeah, with her surfboard though, I wish she would jump from lower level though. Why? As good as she is surfing, number one she's afraid of heights, and number two as much as she surfs she's not so good at the swimming part.
What are you talking about? She can't swim, so she always either takes her board with her or we make sure she's with one of us. To drag her back to La Push. If someone jumps from there that's where they end up. How did you find out she couldn't swim? Some of us dared her to jump down on her own. When she wouldn't, the guys called her out on it, and like usual brother's teased her about being scared, so when she did, and we all headed to La Push just down below and waited a couple of minutes for her to resurface we got worried when she didn't pop back up out of the water. I dove back in to go look for her.
What happened to her? Let's just say that it was a good thing that where it happened it was shallow water. There wasn't anywhere for her to keep drowning. She was drowning? I got the water out of her of course. And right after she started acting like herself again. She was shaking, like she was scared, but still acted all fun and games. Proving to the guys that they were wrong. She gained our highest respect that day because of it. I carried her back to the hut like building that we all call home, and she was pretty much passed out.
After all of that and explaining about Sam and the guys, they came to a spot to teach her how to ride the motorcycle. It started off fine, then she saw Edward's ghost again, and she hit into a rock. Her head started bleeding, Jacob helped her. She made a comment about him being beautiful. He wondered if she hit her head harder than she thought.
Back with us things went on like they were. Things were better for a little bit. Ok, honey I love you, but you're scaring us both. We're sorry he said that, we're sorry you're in so much pain and that you miss him, but Farrah Edward isn't coming back. I know. And don't worry about it, cause sooner than I think Jake will need me when the stuff fades away, and I'll need to be there to help him. Snow please don't take this the wrong way, but that's good go be his problem for a while.
I rolled my eyes. It shouldn't be much longer. Maybe another day or two. Wow that is very soon! Please be careful. I will. Don't do anything stupid! I won't. Farrah I mean it, don't! Ok, ok. Sheesh! Ok then get some sleep. I think I'll just stay up. I could feel the morphine slipping away from his cells. I just hope that everything will be fine.
Unfortunately I knew it wouldn't be. So during the night, I packed my things, and left. I had two things on my mind, ok three. Two of them were songs that described how I felt. And how I got a knife or glass or something sharp to cut myself with on the airplane back home.
and as I cut myself I thought about my memories with him and how it seemed like at least in my eyes that ever since Bella was part of the picture, I was always being compared to. It was always, you and your sister, it wasn't just me or just her, ok yeah sometimes it was just her. He's in love, and I'm happy for him, but how does someone go from the center of someone's world, then the next day it's like you never existed?! Please explain this to me! And then all that wonderful sibling relationship being nothing but lies, and your the one getting hurt and the other isn't because they never really cared!
So the other song that came to mind because of all those things and feelings, not the love, but everything else
When we landed I pulled out my skateboard and skated all the way back to the Cullen's place. Back to the good memories, back to before the lies, before this all happened. It was a good thing I came back when I did because....
