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"Fuck, I never wanted anything to happen to you. I've fucked up. Alicia I-, please forgive me."
"Why should I do this?"
"Because I love you. I love you with my hole heart. I never stopped loving you."
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Alicia Schumacher wants to conquer Formula 1...
Where's my love - SYML ___________________________________
George's POV.
"I was raped," she whispered, looking deeply into my eyes.
Instantly, I recognized all the pain and suffering in her eyes.
No.
My heart skipped a beat.
I couldn't comprehend that such a wonderful girl had been raped by some bastard. I mean, who would hurt someone so terribly? How can a person do something so abhorrent? Why?
Such people destroy the lives of innocent girls, but why? What damn reasons do they have?
"You- I-I don't know what to say, I can't find words for what happened to you. I can only say that I'm infinitely sorry, but that doesn't change what happened to you," I didn't know what to say. Nothing felt right in this moment; I was completely overwhelmed by this situation, but Alicia would surely feel the same.
Carefully, I pulled Lee even closer to me, so that we both lay together arm in arm in my bed, while she buried her face in my bare chest.
"I'm so sorry, Lee, so sorry," I whispered soothingly to her and gently stroked her head, because I didn't know what else to do. Nothing felt right. Absolutely nothing.
And there it was again, the nickname I had given her. She should know that she had been something special to me from the beginning and meant more to me than most people I had known longer than her.
I didn't want to say anything wrong to her. I wanted to behave appropriately, but how? I had no idea how to handle this. Should I be as normal as possible or should I engage with her? Damn it, I was completely clueless for the first time in my life.
But I knew that I had to be there for her now. I would figure out the rest as soon as possible; tomorrow, I would research the topic to give her the best possible support and not leave her alone with it.
"It was 3 years ago," she started, but her voice broke.
No, she couldn't carry this secret, this burden for 3 years and not tell anyone. What suffering it must have been for her, pretending to be happy in front of everyone, but being broken inside. But that's exactly what I admired her for; not everyone could do that, and that made her strong.
I could say that I'm glad she told me first, but I'm not, not at all. Damn it, this charming girl has been carrying this experience with her for 3 years, for 3 damn years. I wished I could have helped her earlier. Get to know her earlier and lead her out of the darkness. I blame myself terribly.
"Hey, calm down, you don't have to tell me right away. If you're not ready yet, that's completely okay. Please, Lee, I just want you to be okay. I want to help you, be there for you, but I don't know how," I whispered desperately in her ear, which made her stare at me completely finished.
"Can you please just hold me and stay with me," she whimpered softly, almost begging me. You could see how much she needed me now.
"I would never leave you alone now; you're too important to me," I replied with a muffled voice and gently stroked her tear-streaked face, which, despite everything, was still beautiful. But unfortunately, it had been haunted by all her sufferings and torments.
"Let's sleep. Tomorrow will be a busy day," I whispered in her ear and covered us carefully when I noticed after a few minutes that she was still shaking all over because she was still wearing her T-shirt soaked with tears. She must not wear that all night.
"Lee, I'm going to get up for a moment to give you a fresh shirt of mine because yours is completely wet, and I don't want you to catch a cold before your first race," I explained my plan step by step so that I wouldn't frighten or even scare her. She weakly nodded in response.
So, I carefully released myself from her and stood up slowly; I didn't want her to feel uncomfortable with me. So, I tried to make her understand that I was a very kind and caring person because I really was. I had always wanted the best for others; if someone felt bad, I couldn't bear it. So, too, with Alicia, I had to help this helpless but still strong girl. I had to help her out of it.
She was already one of the strongest people I knew. Just the fact that she hadn't told anyone about it for 3 years made her the strongest woman in the world for me. She had to go through and process everything alone. Suffering and torment that I can't even imagine how bad they are.
With a black shirt that was probably way too big for her, I went back to the bed and gave it to her, but she lacked the strength to change herself. But I couldn't just help Alicia like that; what if she got scared or even worse, had a panic attack because of it? After what she had been through, I could imagine it happening to her.
"Should I help you? I won't hurt you, never would I do that," I asked her very gently and approached her step by step.
"I-I know that, help me," she whispered weakly. So, I slowly pulled up her T-shirt a bit, but looked at her uncertainly.
Did she really feel comfortable? Could I continue? I was afraid of hurting her.
But her gaze signaled to me that I could continue. So, slowly, I pulled the T-shirt over her head, exposing her defined, beautiful upper body. However, I didn't have much time to admire it because it wasn't my job to scare her; no, I was supposed to help her change. I would be able to admire her body at some point.
After she was finally out of her shirt and wearing one of mine, which actually looked like a dress on her, I lay back down next to her in my bed and pulled her close to me. Hoping that she would know that I would never leave her side.
"Without you, I would be nothing," Alicia whispered against my chest before falling asleep, which made me breathe a sigh of relief, because tomorrow would be a tough day, and sleep would do her good. The press day was the absolute worst of all days, well, it was also the only day when you weren't sitting in the car and driving off or looking at the track and analyzing every single curve in detail. Where to brake and where to accelerate again, no, Thursday was an extremely boring day that dragged on every time.
"Sleep well, Lee," I whispered very softly, even though she had already fallen asleep long ago. And my eyelids also became heavier and heavier until they finally gave in to the fight, and I fell asleep with the strongest girl I knew, who completely turned my life upside down from one day to the next. I worried much more about her than about my best friend Alex. Even the last two weeks, I was afraid for her, because I knew that her behavior on the hotel roof wasn't just because of a bad dream, and my suspicion was confirmed as true today.
But certainly, I hadn't expected something so terrible because who thinks about a girl being raped. Damn it, but now everything made sense. Her behavior on the roof, her fear, her dreams, why didn't I realize it earlier?
Why did she have to be the one to tell me for it to click in my mind? Why?
I've never felt so terrible as I do today. I couldn't help her yet, couldn't pull her out of her hole, but instead, I watched as she ignored me and continued to be haunted by the consequences of the rape every evening. And that's been going on for 3 long years.
I had failed, but now I would try to do everything better.
...
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