Weak Walls ☪ Newtmas

01

           one.

             » Newt’s POV.

 It had almost been three years since I built up the walls.

The walls that block me from feeling any sort of emotional tether, forgetting the feelings that made up a human.

It was like flipping a switch to the side of you that feels.

No more crying yourself to sleep at night, no more yearning to be loved and no more loving. All you have is nothingness, a blank void inside of you, missing of those senses and emotion.

It was a difficult decision to succumb to and I was very lenient on the construction of my walls, but I knew it had to be done.

Being sent to this place, being trapped by the never ending twists and turns that the maze that surrounded us held, having my memory wiped. It was killing me.

I knew what a family was, and I knew I had one. But I couldn’t see them, I didn’t know if they were alive or dead. But I knew I had a family.

But that was the worst part, the knowing; knowing that I couldn’t be with the people that were supposed to teach me how to ride a bike, or were supposed to read me stories at night, the people that were supposed to love me.

I knew I had them, but I knew I couldn’t have them, and I knew I never would.

The loneliness was what drove me to the end of no return; to build up my walls.

And every since that day, the very day I built them, I’ve been better.

Better as in, I don’t feel anything. It may not seem like its ‘better’ and many disagree that flipping the switch is far from good, but I had to do this for my own sake.

I had shed enough tears, I had enough sleepless nights.

It was the loneliness, the constant battling for freedom as we were caged in this ‘home’. It was the emotions that made me want it over.

It was the reason behind why I tried to end my life. The reason why I had climbed metres upon metres, up onto those walls that made up the maze. I climbed to the very top, and I jumped.

The job was not done as when I woke I was bearing a broken ankle and a throbbing head.

The other boys who lived in the place we know as the ‘Glade’ put me on this some kind of lock in. I had someone, like my own personal body guard, following me around like a lost puppy for every second of every day. I wasn’t allowed to return out in the maze, my previous job of being a Runner, someone who searched for a way out which wasn’t present, was over. I was fired. I didn’t think it could happen, but things just got lonelier and more miserable.

Then I came to the conclusion to build up these walls, and to this very day they have not dulled and are still holding up strong; shielding me from the emotion.

The walls had always been strong, so I had never imagined that the very thing that could bring them down was about to enter my world.

“Greenie alarm, shanks! Newt and Gally get the shuck over there!” Alby shouts from somewhere outside the homestead, the large, wooden structure where I was currently enjoying my lunch.

I drop the slice of crispy bacon onto my empty plate, pushing the bench seat backwards and raising to my feet. “Another day in paradise,” I murmur.