Indian Award shows - An extended family function of the the Kapoors, Bacchans, Khans and Chopras, where people propagating “ONLY fair is beautiful” collectively show up for getting a black lady. *waves at Filmfare* 🤫
Or rather, let’s just say that Indian Award shows are the distant relative of Indian ‘Reality’ shows, with the only difference of the economic status of the winner. 😉 _________________________________________
So, I am the sasta host for today and I welcome all the heavy pockets present here, to the “Twinkle Twinkle Big Star Awards”, powered by asli masale sach-sach - MDH, Vimal Pan Bahar - bolo zubaan kesari and Washing Powder Nirma kyunki Hema, Rekha, Jaya aur Sushma, sabki pasand Nirmaaaa…
*Camera zooms to Rekha and Jaya’s faces and suddenly, moves to Amitabh Bachchan* TRP level - Beyond Big Boss 😒
We start off in the most ‘out-of-the-box style’ with the red carpet fashion show. And, from a lehenga, to pocha, to falooda, we have the universal constant of Ranveer Singh’s weird choice of clothes. (Oh ya, it’s his choice) 😌
_________________________________________
Now without much ado, let’s start off with the day’s quota of terrible WhatsApp jokes. Presenting the first one: “Ek baar ek hathi aur cheeti...*insert cliche joke here*”
Meanwhile Viewers: Okay… Was that supposed to be a joke? 🤨
*Le Editor: OMG! Hahaha! Too good! LOL! ROFL!
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
And, just in time, when the viewers have almost switched to the Kapil Sharma Show, we pull out the nominees for the “Richest Papa ki pari or Maa ka ladla Award”, conveniently shortened as “Best Debut Award”.
And, the nominees are:
Ananya Panday, for struggling.
Jaanvi Kapoor, for being a Kapoor.
Sooraj Pancholi, for hiring a body double for acting.
Tiger Shroff, for flaunting his abs.
Sara Ali Khan, for some method acting, but award to isko denge nahi na. 😏
Camera zooms to each one’s face, nervousness is clearly visible. Everyone eagerly waiting for them to be declared the richest... dhak dhak dhak
A popular veteran walks up to give the award, “And, the winner is the most lovely, the cutest, my favourite…”
*A few millenia later*
“…the one and only _Someone_” 🎉
And, the winner runs up in the most excited way possible, so as to prevent any doubt regarding the credibility of the Awards. And, gives the acceptance speech that (s)he had been preparing ever since, (s)he had struggled to breathe.
“I would like to thank the most beautiful woman in the world, my Mom for yelling at my Dad, ‘Aye Pappu ke Pappa, agar mere Pappu ko award nahi mila na to main Gappu ke Pappa ki film mein role kar lungi’ and supporting me at every juncture. I am also grateful to my financier aka my Dad for buying me this award.. Oops! Scratch that. I am also grateful to the audience for showering so much love on me. I also thank the Director for discovering the talent that I was apparently never born with. A big thanks to all of you.”
The camera moves to some emotional beings, who mistook the Award Show to be an Ekta Kapoor daily soap.
Just then, the host makes an absolutely unnecessary scripted comment on someone random from the audience. High tension personified. The crowd is in anticipation of the catfight of the century, and boom! Let's have a short 2-hour break. Stay tuned for the other part of the ‘joke’ guys!
_________________________________________
Hello and welcome back to the Twinkle Twinkle Big Star Awards.
Cringe partner - Tiktok Jalan partner - Burnol Khujli partner - B-Tex Refreshment partner - Desh ka number one gutka, Khudka Gutka Bakwas partner - Baklol FM, Dimag ki batti bujha de
As a failed attempt to increase viewership, let’s have the dance performances of the beautiful ladies of Bollywood, Nora Fatehi or Disha Patani or Katrina Kaif, on the most popular ‘song’ of the year.
Also, a power-packed dance performance from Tiger Shroff, because we gotta get at least something done from this bechara person, right? 😜
As we know that half of the viewers have already switched the channel, let us move to the lesser important awards for the day, i.e, the Critics Choice Best Actor Award, which we get away with cheaply, as the nominees are just not mainstream enough for winning the Popular Category Best Actor award.
Now, since, we also have to please everybody, let us pick random words from the dictionary and invent brand new award criteria, for which we ourselves get the “Best Invention Award”.
From “Nothing to Hide” to “Inspirational Weight Loss” and from the “Fresh Face of the Year” to “Impactful Icon for Change”, we give awards to anyone and everyone who has turned up so that they return next year too. Reminds me of return gifts at my birthday party, though. 🙄
And, with special fireworks for the evergreen bhai of Bollywood, Salman Khan, we conclude the Twinkle Twinkle Big Star Awards. See y’all next year with an updated package of timepass. Bye, bye!
P.S: Just in case, you are alive after intaking this load of bakwas, then do tell me if I should reserve passes for you next year. 😉
So I thought to make this funny too so....What do u all think??
