Never let me go - cate blanchett x rooney mara

the place

TW: sh, only read if you're comfortable, i don't want to trigger anyone!!!

Cate pov

I didn't know what just happened, she was a mess, and i only knew it was because of me. I saw her running off the stage, down the stairs to the exit, she looked so hurt. I just sat there, i couldn't even say a thing. i felt all the gazes of the people on me, everyone staring at me. Everyone on my table asked me questions.

"Sorry i- i have to go, excuse me."

and i ran too, i ran after her, tears streaming down my face. i took a cab to our home, i thought she was there.

all the time in the taxi was torture, i could barely keep myself together. I shivered from anxiety, hoping she was where i expected her to be. When we finally arrived i payed the driver and rushed to the door. It was open. I pushed it away and ran through the house, calling out for her, but she was nowhere to be seen. i walked to the glass doors on the back of the house, they were also open. I stood there, leaning on it, my tears drying.
As i looked outside over the grass, i could see her beautiful heels laying in the middle of the garden and i had to smile. I knew exactly where she was.

I also took my heels off under my gown, stepping outside barefoot and went to the little forest next to the house. I could feel the soft grass under my feet changing into dirt and pieces of wood, more and more until i stopped where i was. Directly before me i could see a tree, but the more visible thing was a white puffy gown spread over the moss, she was leaning on the tree with her back to me, it seemed she didn't notice me yet. She was crying, it broke my heart. I tiptoed over to her and sat down, leaning on the other side of the tree.

"How did you know?"

"Honey i'm not dumb."

"right."

she still cried, i heard her voice break whilst speaking. I wanted her to stop, she didn't deserve to cry about me.

"Don't cry."

I let my hand slip on hers that was resting on the moss, slowly caressing it.
I heard her little gasp at that together with sobs that were getting less and less.

"Don't you know i only love you, you'll always come first darling.

what can i do that you realise that?"

for a while i didn't hear anything, just the sounds of nature.

"Life seems so dark and cruel lately."

I slipped my hand into hers and intertwined them.

"Life is beautiful, but you don't have a clue."

"don't look at me Cate."

I didn't know what was wrong and i was scared so i turned around, sitting now next to her, my gaze still on the moss.

"why- what why shouldn't i look-"

And i looked up and saw a blade full with blood. i couldn't speak, no words would leave my throat. i just immediately took her arms and checked them. i felt a rush of tears falling down from my eyes when i spotted bloody cuts all over her arms.

"shit shhhh listen to me it's gonna be fine don't worry it's gonna be okay i promise."

i was fiddling with my hands, shaking in shock. Many tears fell on her slightly stained dress now more red then white. i could feel the panic rise inside me, choking me, not allowing me to breathe normally. i put my right hand to my face, almost covering my mouth and then going back again. i was shivering, didn't know what to do.

"no n- no this is wrong i am so sorry i-"

she grabbed my face with her hands, blood dripping on my face slowly. she didn't seem affected, actually she looked happy almost maniac. but in her eyes i could see that she was feeling guilty.

"it's okay, it's just a few cuts it's alright really, it isn't that bad."

she caressed my face with her fingers, trying to wipe away the blood.

"c'mon we'll go inside and get things together again."

she stood up, holding onto the tree and held her hand down for me to take. i looked up to her with tears in my eyes, she was smiling. i knew it was just a facade but it comforted me, so i took her hand and we went back to the house where i cleaned her and me up. she didn't let go of me once, it was almost like she took care of me instead of the other way around. we cuddled up on the couch. i was into my thoughts.

"so in love that you act insane. ''

'' that stuck with you huh? i added it later. ''

'' it makes sense. ''

'' it does. ''

and we fell asleep.