ADORE, c.springer

3

Music is like the air that swims beneath a birds wings, that gasp of air you take before you go under water, the harsh blink you do to hold back tears that are already skiing down your cheeks.

I wait for the steam to fog the room and blind the mirror, running my hand over the small curly hairs on my head that are molded into my delicate baby fuzz fro. My lengthy lashes bat slowly, the blink of my eyes last long, the feeling of my wet eyelids against my nearly burning dry eyes is soothing. I guess I could use some eye drops but, I love this feeling. I love to know- to really know that I'm a different kind of elevated.

Everyone has their different opinions, everyone's entitled to that. I don't think I have any, I just live my life. Shoes, money, music, read, and weed. My keys to life. I think once you figure how to navigate, everything is yours. Focus, you know? It's about more than the physical. It's the mental, well that's just what I think.

I liked going to the Den, when the homiez go they never see beyond first sight. I never cared to check out the girls I mean they looked cool but, it was always the people on stage that got my all. The rhythms they spoke in and the meanings behind them. It was finally hearing somebody and not just listening.

It's like when you're listening you're not absorbing what they're saying, you're just thinking of what you want to say next. What you will respond with. Like me, now.

"Connie?" Sasha sings in a funky tone exaggerating the O to gather my attention now that we're standing waiting for smoothies at the Den. "Yeah..yea I hear you, fasho." I just don't want to have this conversation again but, this girl is so persistent. "Mmm no you don't, I'm serious you're not buzz killing my valentines again this year dude. Niccolo and I aren't opening the door for you at any point in time and I'm turning my location off," Sasha sashays her finger around with one hand on her hip so that I can take her seriously.

"Damn okay, serio tho?" I rub my palm down my chin, covering my mouth for a second wondering why this year it's different. "Yes, bro," her eyes dart from me to something behind me. "Don't look know but- don't tell me don't look now cause I'm obviously gonna look now," Sasha nearly slaps the movement out of my body before I can turn my head, exhaling harshly like I'm the one who don't listen.

"See this is why we can't have nice things! Just get the drinks I'll be in the car!" Sasha sassily turns around and heads out but, she makes a small mental note..about something.

"On it, Chief," I form a small pout watching her fade off. Everyone seems to be moving on in their life except for me. I don't know what it is, it's not that I'm a whore cause I don't cheat no matter what.

It's not that I'm abusive, or rude, or in inconsiderate.  Well, that might be my lie. The inconsiderate part I consider it nonchalant but it doesn't come off as too caring and it may have to do with my lack of socializing.

It's just unnecessary when I could just live out the way and unseen forever. Sometimes I do want that special someone but not in a corny way, not in a try too hard way, in a my perfect way? But there's no such thing as a perfect girl though so..

"I just think you have to want something bad enough and you'll get it." you sit slouched with your chin rested in your folded arms. "So you just don't want a man then?" Leraine says, along with a small giggle.

"I don't want nor do I need. How bout that, boo," your eyes flutter behind your head sleepily and so over this conversation. "I'm just saying. V-day is coming and all you wanna do is read, write, and smoke girl," she sips her smoothie softly with pressuring eyes.

"When my time comes I will let you know Leraine," you sigh and tap your foot against the ground. "I just want to see you feel the love, not watching romance movies from the 90's..." you let a gasp out with wide eyes to which she immediately sucks her lips in.

"Ok now that I am hearing what I said I deeply apologize," she chokes up with a soft forgive me smile. "How kind of you," you shake it off because she can't help it so you decide to forgive it.