Expect Disappointment, But Hold Onto Hope

Chapter 2

A/N: Hey, hey, hey! Happy Valentine's Day! 40 reads in 4 days, let's see that's...um...carry the one...hm...like 10 every day! 😃 Omg, thank you! Anyway, I'm a sucker for Peter whump, so...I wrote some. 😂 Okay, that's all. Enjoy! Thank you for reading!

Disclaimer: I don't own stuff anyone else does. 🙂

Warning: NO WAY HOME SPOILERS...I don't know why I said it again...😅

TW: Panic attacks, crying, and angst.

It was a mistake.

A major mistake.

He slammed the door shut behind him and flopped on his bed. Taking one last peek at the cup's message, he tossed it across the room and right into the small trash bin.

He closed his eyes and took deep breaths.

He didn't realize what was happening until he couldn't take in air anymore.

His eyes shot open and frantically searched the room for incoming threats. He was hyperventilating now. It felt like he was being choked -- he would know since he had been many times before.

Peter's hands were balled up into fists, knuckles white and breaths shallow. And those shallow breaths were beginning to sound more and more like wheezes with every passing second.

The mattress was now wet, and it took him a moment to realize that he was crying.

Was this...a panic attack?

Tony had told him about them one lab day, saying that all he had to do was breathe.

Oh, God, Tony. He lost him too -- no, he killed him.

He wasn't even trying to slow his breathing now. He could feel the bile rising up his throat; he put all the effort his bungled up mind could muster toward stopping it from coming out.

What did May say about the effects of panicking?

May...she was gone too.

Suddenly, his spider sense cut through the frenzy, causing him to jolt back to reality. His breaths were still labored, but there was a new sense of clarity.

He tried to convince himself that he was okay, but deep down, he knew he wasn't. He should have told them, but he couldn't, and that was that.

His spider sense was still buzzing at the back of his skull. Probably just some petty robbery or something along those lines.

But when it escalated, Peter slid into his suit and crawled out the window.

It took a few minutes before he found the crime being committed, and he suddenly understood why he was led here so urgently.

It was her.

There was a man yanking on her purse, but MJ, always so stubborn, was fighting back. It was more of a tug-of-war contest by the time Spider-Man actually showed himself.

Except he wasn't Spider-Man. No corny jokes or embarrassing puns; just a punch to the face and some webs.

Once all that was finished, he plucked the purse from the corner of the alley and held it out for her to take.

He was still staring at the man who was webbed to a wall, but he was just using that as an excuse to avoid her piercing gaze.

"Hey, stranger."

Stranger. Stranger. They were strangers.

"That was a joke, ya know," she continued. "Um...I know this isn't the most appropriate time to tell you, but I was there...at the Statue of Liberty. I don't know why, but it just kinda...felt right."

He dropped the purse in her hands and, without even sparing her a glance, walked further into the alley. It seemed like he had just run a marathon but 100 times worse.

"Hey, are you okay? Spider-Man?"

That did it. MJ had never in her entire time knowing him called him "Spider-Man".

He stumbled over to the wall opposite to the criminal and slumped down into a sitting position, back pressed against it. He had only experienced this feeling once before (today), and he already hated it.

MJ seemed to panic at his panic; that purse that got him into this mess? Dropped in a puddle as she rushed over to kneel beside him.

He knew that he needed to take off his mask and just breathe, and a part of him wanted to, but another part knew that it would make her life so much more complicated. Knowing who he was had gotten people killed. It had gotten everybody killed. And if he lost her, he didn't want to think about what would happen.

MJ wrapped her arms around his torso and tucked her head under his chin. Her eyes were closed and there was an ever-present comforting smile.

It was an odd gesture but it felt so right from her, and it helped Peter recover from his sudden attack. He closed his eyes as well and focused on pacing his breathing.

In. Out. In. Out.

When his initial shock wore off and all of his limbs weren't trembling, he brought a hand up to stroke her hair. He didn't realize how much he missed that.

"We...we knew each other, didn't we?" she whispered into his chest.

"I..." now's your chance, Parker, "I don't know. I-I meet a lotta people-"

"It's okay."

But they both knew it wasn't.