I Swear I Will Bother You Again

Ch 2: Don't Want to Feel it

It had been a week, and Violette felt she had recovered well enough to leave her room. Marin was still worried for her, but that's just what she always does. Always has done. 

As requested, Marin helped her put on her uniform and arrange her silver hair in a low bun. Violette slightly smiled at her simple look, which she wouldn't have ever imagined in her previous life when she always went for a luxurious look. 

Violette carried herself with elegance and grace. Her sharp eyes had humbled down. All in all, her overall aura changed enough for everyone around her to turn their heads to her in surprise. 

'Did she finally lose it?'

However, it didn't bother Violette at all. 

The girl who used to seek others' gaze is no more. 

She walked down to the dining hall, but as she neared, her heart thumped as she heard the voice of sweet laughter. It was a sight she longed for but detested at the same time. A happy family. Although she has met such situations several times previously, it was her first time in this life. Her feelings were far from any different than before. The only difference was that she put on a mask this time.

She greeted the head of the family, also her father, who abandoned her ten years ago and returned only on her mother's demise. Not alone, but with a family of his own. 

"Sister," Maryjun, her little half-sister, called out to her cheerily. Unlike how mature and elegant of a crown princess she is about to look in future, for now, she is still that young and naive country girl. 

Once again, Violette doesn't wish to grow her relationship with Maryjun. With what she did to Maryjun before, she can't ever see herself becoming a family with her. 

'It's better if I just avoid her.'

The old blue eyes looking at Maryjun very lovingly had turned cold when met with her own eyes. Father never tried to hide the despise he felt for her. Neither he intends to, nor he will deny it. He will continue to hate her whatever she does. 

There was a time when she yearned for her father's affection but quickly learned that before Maryjun, her existence held no meaning to him. 

"Sit." 

As she gets permission to join them, she takes a seat in the furthest corner. 

Even so, it has been a week since her absence in the dining hall; it seems no one had mattered to enquire about it. Her absence wasn't noticed. Or even if it was, no one cared enough.

Not continuing to exchange any more words with her, he directed his attention to Maryjun again. "I know you will do your best on your first day of school." 

Maryjun smiled and gave him a peck on his cheek as if she were a child. They all laughed.

Violette could feel the disconnection from them clearly. It was as if there was a big glass wall between them. Their voices grew muffled as if they were speaking behind that glass, and loneliness once again made its way into Violette's weak heart.

Once, on this very table, Violette had condemned Maryjun for her poor dining manners out of spite. Which in turn led to a very heated conversation between her and her father. But now she doesn't care less. Or doesn't want to, at least.

She wants to break free from harbouring such feelings.

Violette had feelings of sadness, pain and anger. Especially when she compared her lonely childhood without a father to that of Maryjun, who grew up with the love of both parents. In her previous life, all the negative feelings were taken out in the form of anger towards everyone close to her. However, now that she has decided to put on a mask, her feelings are suppressed. 

*

As Violette sat in her carriage in silence, she began to think.

Although she has changed her outward appearance, her feelings are scattered, making her uncomfortable. Even though the time has reverted itself, Violette is still the same. She continues to hold such feelings against her own family. She fears if she let go of herself, the events will repeat themselves. She might lose control of herself again.

Even as she walked through the academy halls, she would get random glances towards herself which she took with a smile. 

It has been more than a year since she joined the academy. Yet, she didn't have anyone she could call her friend. These years in the academy were essential to young nobles as they were the only time they could live without their family's constant supervision, form lifelong bonds and learn about what they wanted for their future. Amidst the youths living a colourful life, Violette looked at everyone through the lens of grey. She never intended to socialize in the first place due to the rumours about her family situation.

However, bad people tend to stick to you when you are seething with negative energy. That is what had happened when daughters of wealthy families followed her around committing atrocities in her name. While Violette was never involved directly, she didn't intend to stop them even after knowing what they did. It was her way to get recognized and instil fear in people who judged her family status. 

Violette finally decided to cut off the rotten ends of the rope. 

She will indeed be alone in the entire academy if she does, but so be it.