memories of our past

N

I remember screaming till my voice strained and crying till I couldn't see and til my head thumped to my heartbeat.

I knew exactly how you felt when you showed me. And every single day after that I started looking at the sky and wishing I could lie on the clouds with you.

My heart fell to the floor, beating pathetically in a mocking way.

Ive been to your grave every day and every night. I go and sleep there through the night on August 19 wishing you a happy birthday. I talk to you but i'm not sure if you can hear me.

I can't speak anymore like I use to with you. The world is dark again, and the color green makes me want to burn the world. I hate the grass, and I hate the way it shines vividly. The way that it is all around me.

I get why you threw things, and why you like boxing because the physical pain is so much more tolerable than the one living inside of you.

Feeding off of you. The only thing I can't wrap my head around is how you managed to always smile.

So I decided on January 7 is the day that i'll go to the sky and ask you, today is the day. The day I came into this world is the day i leave.

I'm not sure how I was able to walk the world when you left but I did, and I understood you. I finally understood every meaning behind every breath you took.

I loved you, I love you Kayson. I don't think i'll ever stop.