To My Love

To My Love: The boy

It was just a day after I couldn't take the silence of myself anymore. The servants have tried to bounce conversation off of me but I don't want to speak with them. I want my husband. I threw my coat on and ran downstairs, I ordered the coachmen to take me to the War grounds. I never got to say goodbye. It took two hours to arrive at the place of War. I got out of the carriage and began to walk. "Your highness, you need a guard to come with you." I looked at the coachmen as if he was foolish. "There are guards all around me." I recalled as I continued to walk toward the tents. A sharp pain shot up spine like the time I broke my back. I could tolerate it but I still let out a small scream. "Miss are you alright?" A man with a British accent asked. "Yes I'm fine just low iron." I told him although I didn't know if it was low iron or not. I looked at the man's coat and saw that it was a Chiefs coat. "Maybe you can help me? I'm looking for James Versailles." I said as I stood up straight recovering from the moment of pain.
"Oh I'm sorry he just headed out to the front line."
My heart sunk. The front line meant that he was in war. He was fighting in the battle. "No." I quivered under my breath. I pushed the man out of the way and began to descend further into the field. The sound of gunshot made me dizzy and triggered the sharp pain once more. I tolerated it more this time. I needed to find James and tell him I loved him. Even if it might be my last chance. I began to run, leaving my coat in the mud behind me. I held my stomach while trying to hold the weight. I began to call out his name. Like I used to. Like the day in the field where we finally unleashed our feelings and made love. Where our child was conceived. At this moment, running into the woods screaming his name, I knew that I could not lose him.
I creeped in the trees and around them so that none of the Russians would see me. The sky was red like blood, and it became more warm the closer I got to the gunfire. The pain continued but got worse. And then I heard it. His voice. He was fighting. It wasn't his voice I recognized it was his grunts. I could recognize anything about him from a mile away. I creeped near the tree and saw him. James. He was dirty and covered in blood. I wondered if it was his own or the other mens. There was a Russian fighting him with his sword doing everything in his power to kill him. James was out of breath and began to slow down.
And then he saw me.
His eyes sparkled and tears filled them. I hoped they had blinded him from seeing what would happen next. I couldn't scream his name or I could be killed. But he smiled. And mouthed the words I love you. I began to drown in my silent tears. Gripping the tree and praying. I squeezed my eyes shut and prayed. But then it was too late. His heart had been impaled by the Russians sword.

He held his gaze and kept his smile. I sobbed a louder and didn't care anymore. I even screamed but the monster couldn't hear me. The sounds of war muffled my terror. I sat behind the tree, sobbing into my knees and wincing from the pain. The Russian was finally a few miles gone and I scurried out from behind the tree like a little mouse. I bent down to his cold body. "No no no, wake up please." "Stop playing, I don't want to play. Please I need you we need you." "Please don't go!" I shook his body and listened for a breath. Nothing.
I sat there and held my lips against his cold cheek. "Goodbye." I whispered into his ear. I stood up and began to walk back with his helmet in my hand. Then I could feel liquid leak down my legs as if I peed on myself. But I didn't. The baby is coming. I moved quicker toward the carriage. I blocked the loud noises out of my head and just listened to James's voice
It's going to be okay
I know it's a girl.
Your are gorgeous.
I just couldn't hold back my tears and my pain. I stopped in the middle of the field and screamed until I couldn't feel my throat. And then the world seemed to go quiet.
I finally arrived at the carriage and the coachmen looked at me with concern. "Long live the king." I said to the man as I shouted in pain. "Get me to the palace NOW!!" I commanded as I got into the carriage. The carriage tipped over almost every sharp curve there was on the road. And I laid there on the bench in my own puddle. I could feel James rubbing my hair. It's going to be alright, Ruth. "I can't do it without you." I said to myself.

We arrived at the palace and servants and guards came to take me out of the carriage. I was unconscious and unresponsive. I knew I was still alive but they didn't. I was talking to James and that's all that mattered. "Why would you leave me? I told you not to go."
"I know my love, I'm sorry."
"I'm gonna need you so much more now."
"I love you."
"I love you."
"Now wake up Ruth. Wake up my love."
I open my eyes and the light rays burn my eyes. "She's responding!" A man says while cutting off my gown. "What's going on? Is my baby ok?" I mumbled as I woke up from my dream. "We believe so, we just need to start pushing now." I leaned my head back and groaned. I was in so much pain I could hardly breathe. It was like the bared was laying right on my lungs. "Your majesty I'm gonna need you to push."
"No no I can't I'm so tired." I moaned while wincing in pain.
"Please you must push now or your baby or you won't survive."
I looked at the man and shook my head yes. He started counting down from three.
3
2
1
Push!
I pushed as hard as I could. My screams were low and painful. I pushed again and again until suddenly there was a silence. I hated silence. But then there was a small noise. A tiny cry. All the servants cheered and so did the doctors. I caught my breath and reached for my baby. My beautiful baby. "Congratulations your majesty...it's a boy." I began to cry. "I told you so." I whispered under my breath. I held him in my arms and stroked his soft head. "Hello my handsome son." I mumbled. I was so tired but seeing my sons face was worth it. James left me something to remember him by. His face.

Finley turns 4 today. And today we get our portrait painted. It's been 4 years without you. I don't understand why you left us but I'm no longer mad at you. Because I love you too much. I tell Finley story's of you and how you were the best King Scotland has ever had. Did I ever tell you about the portrait that hung in your home that I always found comforting. When I thought you were such a cruel man, I looked at that portrait of you in the dance hall, it made you look kind and it made me think you were. I used to point out all of the flaws it had. Like how it didn't have the same pieces lips you kissed me with. Or the same blue eyes you would always stare at me with. I loved that painting. But now I will love this one. I used to call that portrait the portrait of The Man, because I didn't know your name. But is no longer the portrait of the man that I love

It's the portrait of The Boy. Our boy.