History Repeating Itself

Realization

TW: Violence
(These events occurred on 2010)

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As far as my memory can go back, I woke up one day and what I know is that I have a family of stoners.
Ah yes, I was 5, my mom would do anything to get herself a gram or 2 of cocaine. And when I say anything, I mean literally anything, she even sold home appliances and furniture to buy her drugs. My dad? A bottle of beer every night, and he would take sleeping pills and smoke a cigarette or two to sleep. My guess was maybe insomnia? Some disorder? Yeah probably.
But... Every time he finds out that she went out to get drugs, he becomes abusive. That one night when we still Lived in City X, he came home, he was able to detect the smell of cocaine. The voices were loud..my mom was screaming. I hid under the living room table with my brother and I would peek to see what he was doing to her... He was beating her, pulling her by the hair, she was holding her grip onto the sofa. I could see my mother's expression full of pain. My dad looked angry, he was saying something, was he scolding her? I couldn't tell, that scene was so traumatizing my hearing went blur. I started crying cause I used to care about my mother back then. History will repeat itself.

It's blank... I can only remember something around noon from the next day... There was another man in our house... He didn't look familiar, he gave off lawyer vibes. Up until today, I don't have the answer on who that man was. My dad asked me to either stay with my mom or go with him, he said he was going to take me somewhere fun, while my mom was just sitting on the sofa as tears ran down her face. I was indecisive and hesitant, I kept going back and forth from my mom to my dad, and then from my dad to my mom. At last, I decided to stay with my mom.

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My dad used to work in city Y, so every day he travels down an hour to work in the morning and comes back home at night.
My maternal grandparents live in city Y and I for some reason always hated living in city X, or is it because of all the traumatic events and violence I witnessed there? My parents were still wealthy back then, so I was registered in 3 pre-schools, 1 pre-school in city X and 2 pre-schools in city Y. That is so when I'm in city X with my parents I go to that pre-school, but when I like to go stay with my grandparents in city Y, I have the freedom to choose between the 2 pre-schools.
I spent most of the first years of my toddlerhood with my grandmother, she raised me, and I used to always be happier with her compared to when I was with my parents. It was a wholesome and non-toxic environment to me. It was my happy place, I loved it there.

A few months later, when my parents seemed like they made up already, they decided to move to city Y, this news was a blast to me, it meant I can see my grandparents every day since they decided to build another floor on top of their house. And while that floor was getting constructed we lived on my grandparent's floor. There weren't many fights between my parents during that time, but many conflicts between my father and my grandparents, not that I remember what was any of them about. But I know that one night my dad was drunk and he went and peed on my grandparent's bed while they were sleeping in it, and my grandmother called him a dog. And ever since she called him that, he started to hate my grandmother. History will repeat itself.

1 year later after our floor has been fully built and equipped with furniture and appliances, we moved in, or should I say moved up? Around that time my dad had started to quit drinking. Good thing you say? Yeah, I thought so too, until he also became a cocaine addict. He was still abusive.

One great afternoon at home, me, my brother, my mom were eating lunch, I can still remember what the meal was, it was rice.
Unexpectedly, my father barged through the door and hit my mom while she was eating, not just one hit... Many of them. Her arm was bruised, she even got a cut from his car keys that he was holding while he was beating her.
I screamed because I was scared and my mom was suddenly on the floor almost passed out. My great cousin who also lives with my grandparents on the floor below rushed up after she heard my scream, she was tryna keep my mom conscious, while my dad just stood up as he watched us trying to help her, he was yelling something, he said she stole his money from him. I don't know what else he said, my hearing went blur because I was traumatized from the scene. History has repeated itself.

And that was my moment of realization, the moment I figured out that my life was gonna be chased by history repeating itself, not only in this drugs addiction, and physical violence calamity but in other things too.