*Everyone is standing around the broken coffee maker*
Charles Lee: So. Who broke it? I'm not mad, I just wanna know.
Everyone:
Samuel: ...I did. I broke it.
Charles Lee: No. No, you didn't. Alexander?
Alexander: Don't look at me. Look at George.
King George: What?! I didn't break it.
Alexander: Huh, that's weird. How'd you even know it was broken?
King George: Because it's sitting right in front of us and it's broken.
Alexander: Suspicious.
King George: No, it's not!
Laurens: If it matters, probably not, but Lafayette was the last one to use it.
Lafayette: Liar! I don't even drink that crap!
Laurens: Oh really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?
Lafayette: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles. Everyone knows that, Laurens!
Samuel Seabury: Okay let's not fight. I broke it. Let me pay for it, Charles.
Charles Lee: No! Who broke it!?
Everyone:
Laurens: Lee... Alexander's been awfully quiet.
Alexander: REALLY?!
*Everyone starts arguing*
Charles Lee, being interviewed: I broke it. I burned my hand so I punched it.
Charles Lee: I predict 10 minutes from now they'll be at each other's throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick.
Charles Lee:
Charles Lee: Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Charles Lee: If you bite it and you die, it's poisonous. If it bites you and you die, it's venomous.
Samuel Seabury: What if it bites me and it dies!?
Alexander: Then you're poisonous. Jesus Christ, Samuel, learn to listen.
King George: What if it bites itself and I die?
Laurens: That's voodoo.
Jefferson: What if it bites me and someone else dies?
Samuel Seabury: That's correlation, not causation.
Hercules: What if we bite each other, and neither of us die?
Lafayette: That's kinky.
Charles Lee: Oh my God.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*The squad is over at Alexander's house*
Samuel Seabury: Ohhhh, we each get our own oven?
Alexander: ...N-No...
Alexander, laughing: How many ovens do you think I have???
Samuel Seabury, motioning to their kitchen: Three, I thought!
Charles Lee: I see a-
Alexander, motioning to one device: This is a microwave.
Charles Lee: Oh, well I-
Alexander: Hey wait wait, actually- hang on- *fiddles with the buttons on the microwave*
Alexander, amazed: Its got a bake setting!
King George: Ohoho, you learn something new every day!
Laurens: Do we- Do we rock-paper-scissors for who gets to pick first?
Alexander: Now I've just discovered I have more ovens than I thought, we don't have to rock-paper-scissors nothin!
Alexander: I am someone who owns four ovens...
Alexander, louder and way too happy: I am someone... who owns FOUR OVENS...
Alexander: I didn't know I was so rich with ovens...
Lafayette, pointing to another appliance: Also the toaster oven!
Alexander, speechless:
Samuel Seabury: Ohhh, toasty boy! Four- Five ovens!
Alexander:
Alexander, fucking ECSTATIC: I AM SOMEONE WHO OWNS FIVE OVENS
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Charles Lee: Rules are made to be broken.
Samuel Seabury: They were made to be followed. Nothing is made to be broken.
Alexander: Uh, piñatas.
King George: Glow sticks.
Laurens: Karate boards.
Lafayette: Spaghetti when you have a small pot.
Charles Lee: Rules.
Samuel Seabury:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Alexander: Croissants, dropped
Eliza: Road, works ahead
Lafayette: BBQ sauce, on my shirt
Hercules: Shavacado, free
Laurens: Miss Keisha, dead
Jefferson: Jefferson, grumpy: I didn't understand a single word of that and I hate every single one of you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
'Can I copy the homework?'
Samuel Seabury: I can help you with it!
Charles Lee: Yeah, sure.
Alexander: Bold of you to assume I did the homework.
King George: lol nope.
Laurens: Wait, we had homework?!?!?!
Lafayette: *Read 5:55pm*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Charles Lee, walking into their house: Hello, people who do not live here.
Samuel Seabury: Hey.
Alexander: Hi.
King George: Hello.
Laurens: Hey!
Charles Lee: I gave you the key to my place for emergencies only!
Lafayette: We were out of Doritos.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Charles Lee: Would you guys be there for me if I was going through something?
George Washington: Nope, absolutely not.
Alexander: I hope it sucks, whatever you're going through.
King George: I hope it emotionally scars you for the rest of your life.
Laurens: I hope you reach out to me so I can ignore you.
Lafayette: I can't wait to go to your funeral, knowing I could've changed that outcome.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Alexander: Lafayette... How do I begin to explain Lafayette?
Angelica Schuyler: Lafayette is flawless.
Peggy: I hear his hair's insured for $10,000.
Laurens: I hear they do car commercials... in Japan.
Hercules Mulligan: One time they punched me in the face... it was awesome.
Charles Lee: We need to distract these guys
Samuel Seabury: Leave it to me
Samuel Seabury: Centaurs have six limbs and are therefore insects. Discuss.
Alexander, King George, and Laurens: *Immediately begin arguing*
Lafayette, watching in horror: Oh this. I don't like this. I don't like this at all.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
George Washington: We need to distract these guys
Charles Lee: Leave it to me *Approaches group*
Charles Lee: Centaurs have six limbs and are therefore insects. Discuss.
Alexander, Samuel, and Laurens: *Immediately begin arguing*
Lafayette, watching in horror: Oh this. I don't like this. I don't like this at all.
YOU ARE READING
Incorrect Hamilton Quotes
FanfictionSomething I did during Covid (We don't talk about Covid) Buckle up, buttercup, 'cause this is gonna be a bumpy ride... ~ Also republished bc I felt like it 😤
