Standing outside the entrance of the Seattle Grace Mercy West Hospital was bitter than sweet for Meredith Grey. Last time she was inside the walls of Seattle Grace was when she was a child and her mother was working to be the best surgeon. She grew up in the hospital, coloring on old charts, learning how to read in a gallery. But growing up with not knowing what time or even if your mommy would get off work and come home, to nannies raising her, to her mother believing she was old enough to take care of herself so she no longer had a nanny. But as she was standing outside the entrance, she stared down at her left hand. Specifically her ring finger on her left hand. It was missing the one thing she never thought would happen in her life. Especially after Derek.
She took a deep sigh and walked in. She knew Derek was working here because of the articles he published. Which was kind of inconvenient since she's been offered chief of neurosurgery. He had sent her an email after he graduated med school and got matched at Seattle Grace. She saw the email but never replied. It brought her too much sadness to keep in touch with her former best friend/ 'flings' life. It took her most of med school to get over Derek. She buried herself in work at med school while working at a local bar as a bartender to make money.
As Meredith was walking around Seattle Grace, memories of her growing up started to replay in her mind.
Walking around the hospital saying hello to all the nurses. But she knew she had to avoid Derek and Mark. Meredith had met Mark a couple times during their summer and knew that he and Derek were best friends. So if Derek was around, Mark would show up shortly after. She knew her way around the hospital and found herself staring at the surgical board. That's when she saw Derek's name on the board. He was in O.R 1 for a tumor removal. She was proud of him. Derek is now called the 'World renowned neurosurgeon Dr. Derek Shepherd.' And that she knew him before any of it. Meredith made herself established as well but now felt as if a piece was missing from her. Again she caught herself looking down at her ring finger.
'No. I have to move on and not dwell on the past. It's over. I can't go back.' She had to tell herself. Do not dwell on the past.
Meredith started to just roam around the entire surgical floor. She still remembered most of the floor when she was a kid but it felt nice in a way to be back. She saw a couple residents she worked with back in New York, now here at Seattle as fellows and attendings. So it was nice to see a couple of her students again but still she felt empty. When she felt empty, she started to think about what had happened. And she can't think about what happened because she couldn't. And when she started to think about it, she would want to talk about it. And talking was bad. Talking about it meant having to admit to it. She couldn't. Everyone believes she moved on. Believed she was as best as she could be after everything that had happened. Got past it. Truth is, she couldn't get past it. Try and move on. It has been a year and a half, almost two since he left and she still couldn't move on. So when she started to feel empty and started to think, she would get drunk to numb off the pain that she still has.
She was now quickly walking, trying to leave. Leave, get tequila, get to the house, get drunk. That's what she had kept saying to herself to try and keep calm. She was so focused on that sentence, on her list she didn't even realize she walked into someone.
"Oh- sorry about that." Meredith stammered, walking away, not looking back. She just had to focus on that list. To get drunk and not think about it.
When no one is around, my dear
You'll find me on my tallest tiptoes
YOU ARE READING
an illicit drug
Fanfiction"a drug that only worked the first few hundred times." • • • • • meredith and derek had a summer fling over a decade ago, to scratch an itch they both had. what happens when they both meet in the worst circumstances and unknown feeling they had for...
