Book 1: Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone (Hermione X Self Insert)

Chapter 4 - Letters From No One

Back at the Dursleys, Petunia and a distressed Dudley walked into the living room. Harry, Dayton and Vernon followed. Vernon slammed the door and shoved Dayton against the wall, taking his hair and causing him to cry out in pain.

"What happened?!" He snapped. Dayton's blue eyes welled with tears, as he didn't understand the situation at the zoo.

"I swear we don't know!" He defended in a quavering voice. "One minute, the glass was there and then it was gone! It was like magic!"

Vernon scoffed and shoved the two boys into the cupboard under the stairs and slammed the door. "There's no such thing as magic!" He roared, blackening out the vent on the door and plunging the space in darkness.

Harry walked over and flipped on the table lamp. Dayton sat on the edge of his cot.

"What are we gonna do about this, Harry?" Dayton asked.

Harry shook his head. "They're all a bunch of gits, mate. Don't worry about it."

A few days had gone by, and Dudley was dressed in his smartest school uniform, posing and smiling grandly as Petunia snapped a photograph.

"Vernon, just look at him." She told her husband, smiling joyfully before turning back to Dudley. "I can't believe it. In just a week you'll be off to Smeltings." She was referring to Smeltings Academy, a public school and Vernon's alma mater.

"Caveat Smeltonia." Vernon replied, reciting the school's motto. "Proudest moment of my life."

It was then that Dayton and Harry emerged from the adjacent room. "Will I have to wear that, too?" Harry asked.

The adults drew their attention to him. "What, you? Go to Smeltings?" Petunia asked him, and he nodded questionably.

"Ha!" Vernon cackled in amusement, causing Dayton to slightly crinkle his nose in disgust.

"Oh, don't be so stupid, you're going to the state school where you belong." Petunia said.

She went to the boiler and fished out a grey shirt. "And this is what you're gonna be wearing when I've finished dyeing it."

"But that's Dudley's old uniform." Harry complained. "It'll fit me like bits of old elephant skin!"

"It'll fit you well enough." Petunia said. "Dayton, go get the post."

Dayton left the living room area into the hallway and picked up some letters, two of which had his and Harry's names on them with the address of where they slept. Vernon and Dudley sat at the table while Aunt Petunia was busy fixing breakfast. Dayton walked in with the mail, first handing Harry his letter before giving the rest to Vernon, then walked to his seat next to Harry with his own letter.

Vernon scanned a postcard. "Oh, Marge is ill! Ate a funny whelk." He said to his wife.

Dudley suddenly noticed the boys' letters, and ran to grab them and give them to Vernon. "Dad! Look! Harry and Dayton have got letters!" He reported.

"Hey, give them back! They're ours!" Harry demanded.

"Yours?" Vernon asked Harry, confused. "Who'd be writing to you both?"

The family gathered to look at the address. There was a broken seal on the letter. The family looked up and Harry gulped.

Another owl soon flew by with two letters and dropped them off. Inside, Vernon grabbed a handful of letters and ripped them up. In the closet, Harry and Dayton heard a whirring noise. Harry looked out at Vernon drilling wood over the letterbox opening.

"No more mail through this letterbox." The boys heard Vernon say to himself, and Harry quietly closed the cupboard door.

The next day, Vernon and Petunia were outside the door. Vernon was about to head off to work, and Petunia kissed his cheek. "Have a lovely day at the office, dear." She told him.

Petunia heard a sound of flapping wings, and stopped. She turned to look and saw several owls flying in.

"Shoo! Go on!" Vernon shouted, attempting to disperse the owls, to no avail.

It was then that Petunia noticed something, and patted Vernon on the shoulder to get his attention. What they saw were more letters addressed to Harry and Dayton.

Later that day, Petunia was cracking an egg into a bowl, and what instead came out was a folded-up letter. She cracked another one, but another letter came out as well. She then cracked yet another one, but the same happened again. She stared at the letter for a minute, before hearing the owls screeching. She drew her attention to the outside of the window, and what she saw was four owls sitting on some garden chairs. Petunia screamed and ran off.

Then the next day flew around, the family seated around in the living room, Harry serving cookies that Dayton had made himself to everyone.

"Fine day, Sunday." Vernon broke the silence. "In my opinion, best day of the week. Why is that, Dudley?"

His son shrugged and couldn't answer, so Dayton spoke for him.

"Because there's no post on Sunday?" He said, the answer sounding more like a question.

"Ah, right you are, Dayton." Vernon responded. "No post on Sunday. Ha! No blasted letters today. No, sir. Not one single bloody letter, not one."

Dayton saw a shadow outside the window, and turned to look. When he did, his eyes widened. What appeared to be hundreds of owls were perched.

Vernon, meanwhile, rambled on. "No, sir, not one blasted, miserable--"

Suddenly, a letter shot out of the fireplace and zipped across Vernon's face, cutting him off. There was a rumbling sound before millions of letters came shooting out of the fireplace. The family shrieked in horror as Harry burst into the room, watching in amazement with Dayton.

"Holy smokes, Harry!" Dayton exclaimed. "We've been quite popular lately!"

The Dursleys' situation was a totally different matter; pandemonium had broken out.

"Make it stop!" Dudley was saying. He jumped on Petunia's lap as the two parents kept screaming.

Harry, meanwhile, had jumped onto the coffee table and snatched a letter, before starting to run away. Vernon saw and jumped up as well, quite nimbly for being in his late fifties and overweight.

"Give me that! Give me that letter!" He demanded. He chased Harry and grabbed him before he had a chance to get into his closet.

"Get off!" Harry exclaimed. Vernon continued to restrain him as several letters continued shooting around the house.

Dayton managed to look out the window just in time to see the wood plank nailed in front of the letterbox finally break from the excess pressure of the letters.

"That's it!" Vernon roared. "We're going away! Far away! Where they can't find us!"

Dayton looked at Dudley, who shook his head vigorously to convey his feeling of being overwhelmed.

"Daddy's gone mad, hasn't he?!" He asked, and Dayton merely shrugged his shoulders as Petunia watched with a horrified look on her face, knowing that her son may be right.