Whisperers of a Blue Whistle |BTS| ✓

3. Bad Medicine: Jeon Jeongguk

This chapter is particularly triggering so please read with caution.

Jeongguk's first night at camp is short and underwhelming considering that mostly everyone is asleep and he doesn't follow too far behind. He has the pleasure of meeting Mrs. Bennett and her baby girl, though, and Jeongguk quickly becomes attached to those rosy cheeks and tiny fingers.

"I've never seen a baby before," Jeongguk says, and the fact that it's the truth is sad. When he was growing up he was the youngest kid around, and in going to prison at the age of sixteen he only ever saw guards and prisoners. And the warden. And Josephine who would make sure the warden was keeping up with their deal. "What's her name?"

"We're not sure yet. We were planning on her being a little boy but we got a surprise!"

"She's so cute." Jeongguk lets himself smile just a little as the baby squeezes his finger. "Can I touch her hair? It looks so soft."

"Of course. Just be very careful." Slowly and as cautiously as humanly possible, Jeongguk rubs his thumb across the crown of the baby's head. It's soft like peach fuzz. The baby blinks her eyes closed and Jeongguk watches in wonder as she nods off beneath his apparently very soothing touch. Jeongguk knows what pain is like against his skin, and how much power can scaffold a single hand, and subsequently, he's left with wanting to treat everything as delicately as he can so it doesn't undergo what he went through. And maybe that's why the baby falls asleep, lulled to dreamland with the relaxed back and forth motion of his thumb over her small forehead.

"Oh, it looks like she's ready for bed," Mrs. Bennett whispers. "We'll see you two in the morning."

Jeongguk waves the baby goodbye and then Jimin nods towards his own tent. Jeongguk follows silently, watching Jimin move around his space to get ready for the night. Finally, he pulls back a blanket and gestures for Jeongguk to join him. Jeongguk hesitates, and Jimin waits patiently, until he's wrapped up around his hyung.

But he can't fall asleep.

It's jarring to spend the majority of his life in prison and then being able to walk as a (somewhat) free man. He can't remember the last time he slept with a blanket this warm or with someone cuddling him so kindly. He doesn't know who these people are or how safe it is to be around them. He doesn't know what he's going to do tomorrow, whereas in prison he did the same thing every day. He knew what to expect. This... this is alarming. It is new. It is scary.

Jimin must sense Jeongguk's dis-ease as he wakes in the middle of the night with a cracked yawn. "Are you warm enough, Gguk?" Jeongguk's eyes water as he looks away to blink up at where the tent comes to a vertex above him. Shadows cling to the corners of the tent. He doesn't know what to think. He doesn't feel like himself. He doesn't want to talk, or meet new people, or anything. He doesn't know what he wants. He wishes he wasn't here, or anywhere at all. "Am I too close? I can back up."

When Jimin starts to move, Jeongguk gasps and grips his arm tightly. "No! Please don't leave me, please," Jeongguk sobs. Jimin squeezes him like he wants to morph into one single creature, brushing a hand through the younger's stringy hair.

"I've got you. You're okay." The exhaustion catches up to him soon enough and he falls into a deep sleep. He has a nightmare and wakes up the next morning shivering, teeth-chattering. Panic seizes his chest when something touches his arm and he flings himself out of the squeaky cot. Jimin sits up in a flurry and Jeongguk buckles to the floor, hugging his legs to his chest. His body aches after sleeping in a softer cot. His bones are used to the cold and hard bench of his cell. Overnight, it seems that his body refused to mold to the weaker, gentler material without experiencing some lingering pain as a repercussion.