𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐓𝐓𝐘 𝐁𝐎𝐘

| 𝙸.𝟷 |

the ebony haired girl sat with her three friends, all halfway through their first year at keio university, japan. the cherry blossoms proudly showed off their elegant rose tinted petals in their blooming days. the park was covered in the most brilliant tones of emerald thanks to the fleeting collection of blades of grass. petite white flowers sporadically painted the canvas of green beneath it. as the spring breeze caressed the three friends, all sat at the robust picnic bench in the park by the tokyo tower, as they anticipated the university rankings to be posted in an hour.

"hey! we've been sat here for fifteen minutes and not a single one of you has said anything about my hair!" exclaimed daichi, the jock to the right of yumeko. he was the sort of character who was captain of any sports team they put him on, charismatic as hell, friendly with everyone, and pretty enough to be an idol. a lot of girls would confess to him too, which was entirely unhelpful but he thanked them anyway. "daichi, you realise that dyeing your hair pastel pink because of a mental breakdown won't change your grade, right?" the ebony haired girl raised an eyebrow, poking at her food.

"she's right," the girl opposite her, kiko, laughed, "we love you and all, but maybe if you opened your textbook instead of instagram-"

"-or your mouth for some random guy-" interjected yumeko next to her.

"yeah or that... anyway THAT might change your grade." 

"you're all bullies. all three of you!" he pouted, "wait yumeko, are you okay? Is this about the whole breakup thing?" daichi and kiko eyed her carefully, not wanting to cross any boundaries.

"awe no... baby, don't cry. it's not your fault that you broke up, neither of you is at fault. You said it yourself, it was friendly and just didn't work out - no one did anything wrong." kiko held her hand out for her, gently rubbing her thumb over the solemn girl's knuckles.

"yeah, you're right. i'll get over it i'm sure. it's just, well- hurt. it just hurts a bit"

kiko then spoke up, "people come and people go. it probably will for a little longer but it's okay, come let's head back to campus. we need to check our rankings, they should be up by now. besides, if you're really serious about transferring to korea next year then these grades matter to you more than anyone else's irrelevant ass first year grades."

"i mean yeah, but they still matter. don't go slacking off just because your life isn't about to free fall into chaos. my whole family is moving so I'm screwed if I have to stay here, I won't be able to afford it. And my main home is in the mountains in miyagi which is too far..."

the trio got up and strolled back to the powerful red-brick main hall of the university. approaching the first notice board they saw, daichi took it upon himself to usher other students out of the way like some sort of bodyguard. hung up behind the glass window shamelessly stood a list of names and numbers boldly displaying everyone's scores.

kiko read off the pink paper slowly from the bottom upwards, "daichi, our favourite idiot. score of 21 and rank 1258 of 1485. oh I got 61 and rank 365. yumeko where the fuck are you? oh damn, 88 and rank 4!"

yumeko stared blankly at her friend, almost unable to comprehend the numbers that were just read aloud to her. a rush of conflicting emotions washed over her, drowning the girl in a wave of panic. elation at ranking so well. relief about being good enough to be able to apply for a transfer. despair at the thought of leaving behind her friends. bitterness over having to leave her home country. her consciousness dissociated from any control over her body, which was numb yet trembling. chest clenching tight, her limbs were too weak to move despite the back of the girl's mind begging it to, begging it to do something other than pathetically curl up in front of all these people. the other part of her mind was blank yet in overdrive at the same time. unable to speak, yumeko's dry throat silently pleaded the gods to let her disappear.

daichi swiftly picked her up, realising the state she was in, and carried her outside to the front steps with both friends carrying their bags. placing her down gently on the concrete slabs, the boy offered some water before retracting his hand as he noticed she was still too absent to process it. a few minutes had passed, however as the girl's mind started to work, so did her tear ducts. questioning nothing and rubbing her back, yumeko's friends waited for her to speak as tears splattered the steps.

"tha- thanks," she stuttered, "and, and I'm sorry about the whole-whole panic earlier. it all just got, kind of all just got t-too much. i couldn't really process, process it all."

"hey yumeko, we appreciate your apology but we didn't need one for anything, we know its overwhelming as hell now that you have the grades to apply for a transfer, okay?" kiko soothingly continued rubbing circles on her back. the girl meekly nodded in reply and let her head hang low until they got up for the next class that was due to begin.

[a/n important aside but this is how i stutter when i have panic attacks, and that's a description of how i personally have panic attacks. it's really different for everyone so let's be respectful and i ain't taking contributions about what anyone thinks is the accuracy on this one. also these r flashback chapters from first year if anyone was confused]