It's All Inside My Head

Carriage ride

It was a strange thing, Harry thought, to be shaking Draco Malfoy's hand. It instantly transported him back to his first year at Hogwarts, staring a small blond boy in the eye and thinking how he was just like Dudley.

But Dudley was dead.

Harry had killed him.

And as for Draco Malfoy... well, he was still deciding how to feel about that.

As soon as he grasped the pale hand, his head hummed in agreement. So apparently the voice approved. That alone made him relax a tad. The voice had never been wrong before.

He let go of Malfoy's hand and stared around the compartment awkwardly. Pansy smirked and pulled his arm down towards the seat harshly.

"Sit down Harry, relax," she said, still clutching at his arm.

"So Potter," Malfoy said, flicking his ice blond hair out of his eyes, "I was reading the Profit the other day and there was an article about you and your muggle cousin..."

Harry groaned, he hadn't read the Daily Profit since he got to Grimmauld Place. Of course there would've been an article about his trial.

"Yeah," Harry said, "unfortunate that."

Blaise barked out a laugh, "You kill your cousin and that's the most you've got to say?"

Harry glared at him, "It's not like it was..." he paused, though he didn't know the reason, "on purpose..."

Malfoy  hummed, amused, "They say that that you cast an expulso at him. It's hard to run from a dementor when you're unconscious."

Harry sighed, "It was an accident," he lied.

"You don't have to lie to us love," Pansy simpered. "We don't care how bad you've been."

Harry grimaced on the expression on her face and turned back to Malfoy.

"Fine, I meant to all right!" Harry exclaimed, "He was going on about how much of a freak I am and I hexed him! When the dementors came they went straight for his body and I didn't want to save him." He paused, breathing heavily, "I wouldn't do anything differently."

The carriage was silent for a moment, broken only by Malfoy's sigh.

"It seems I've underestimated your character Potter," he said, smirking. "Murder does wonderful things for you, I have to admit. You've never seemed so tolerable before."

Harry gasped at this statement. Sure, he knew he killed Dudley, but he had never associated the word murder to it. Somehow it made it all seem much more real.

He, Harry Potter, had murdered a muggle. His own cousin.

And he didn't regret it one bit.

"These people are good for you Harry," the voice whispered contently. "Stay with them, they will help you in your journeys this year, they will stay by your side."

Well. That was that then.

~~~~~~~~~~

The rest of the train ride passed by in surprisingly comfortable conversation. It turned out that Blaise was quite amusing when he got comfortable, and Pansy was very clingy when she felt like it.
Which was all the time.

Malfoy spent the rest of the ride studying Harry intensely, piercing grey eyes fixated on him.
When the train stopped at Hogwarts, Harry smiled. He was home.

"Come on then, we want to get a good carriage," Malfoy said, getting out of his seat.

Pansy and Blaise followed suite.

"Do try and keep up Potter," Malfoy snarked as he sauntered out of the compartment.

Harry rolled his eyes and followed the three Slytherins.

Outside, it was freezing. Harry's breath came out in white puffs as he rubbed his hands together, his teeth chattering.

All of a sudden, a warm feeling started in his hands and soon spread to his entire body. His turned around to see Malfoy tucking his wand away.

"Honestly Potter, do you have no idea how to do a warming charm?"

"Uhh..."

"Never mind," Malfoy said, "Let's go, Pansy and Blaise are waiting for us."

Harry nodded and turned to follow Malfoy, almost tripping over Ron in the process.

"Shit," he cursed as he slipped on slick grass.

He felt hands grab his arm and pull him back up. Harry looked at Ron to see him staring in horror at Malfoy still holding onto Harry.

"Watch where you're going weasel," Malfoy spat, tugging Harry in the opposite direction.

Harry stared at Ron a moment longer, surprised at how he felt nothing. No remorse, no sadness. Only a tinge of anger and a slight ringing in his head.

"Harry, mate-" Ron started.

But Harry turned away, letting himself be led by Malfoy towards the carriage that Blaise and Pansy had saved. As the carriage started moving, Harry watched as Hermione ran to join Ron. They both whispered for a second before staring after Harry, meeting his eyes. Harry looked away quickly, his gaze set towards the castle looming in the distance.

"That certainly looked uncomfortable," Pansy commented, staring at her perfectly buffered nails.

"Yeah..." Harry said, "Dinner will be fun."

"Don't sit with them then," Blaise said.

Harry frowned, "Huh?"

"You don't have to sit with Gryffindor," Draco said, "There's no rules against it. I see Ravenclaws at the Hufflepuff table all the time."

"You do?" Harry asked.

"Oh yes," Pansy added, "The badgers are very sociable."

Harry pondered this for a moment. What would it look like if he walked into the Great Hall with the Slytherins and sat at their table? Gryffindor would have an uprising. Dumbledore would probably have a stroke.

"Good," the voice whispered, barley audible.

"Shut up." Harry replied mentally.

But what would the other Slytherins do? They'd think he was mental, they'd probably try to murder him. No, scratch that. Snape would try to murder him. Harry cringed as he imagined the look on Snape's face if he decided to sit at the Slytherin table.

Harry looked behind him to see Ron and Hermione's carriage behind them. He caught Hermione's eye and looked away quickly. In that moment he decided that anything would be better than sitting at the Gryffindor table. Sure, he had Neville, Seamus and Dean, but they would ask questions if they saw the rift in the golden trio's friendship.

"Ok then," Harry said, looking Malfoy in the eye, "I'll sit with you guys."

Malfoy smirked, "Wonderful."

"I can't wait to see the looks on the Gryffindor's faces!" Pansy squealed, her nails digging into Harry's arm.

A flash of anger ripped through Harry. Anger at Ron and Hermione that spread to the whole of Gryffindor house. "Yeah," Harry murmured, "me too."