The Curse of the Silenced Wolf

Chapter 14: Discouraged

After that intense conversation with Alcide, we actually sat there talking the rest of the day and into the night. We talked about life, our favorite movies (though I told him I only seen a couple when Luna Rachel snuck around for us to, our favorite colors, animals, everything. It was nice getting to know him and just have an actual conversation with someone besides Amelia.

The whole time he would wait patiently for me to type a whole paragraph and then proceed to listen to the whole thing while looking at me. I dare say we maybe even flirted a little or at least he did and I tried my best at what I thought would make him feel the way I did when he said certain things to me.

If this is what my life would end up like, maybe it wouldn't be so bad. I think I could like living here and living with Alcide. He makes me feel warm, safe, and whole

"Good morning" he said as he sat up from the day bed.

Yes, he makes me feel these things but that doesn't mean I want to rush into things and have him sleep beside me. I just got the feeling of empowerment knowing my choice mattered and I wanted to hold onto that for awhile.

I sat up and looked at him and smiled. I reached to the night stand, grabbed my device and typed good morning and pushed speak. He smiled at me.

"So, what would you like to do today. You have your device, new clothes... me" he shot me a smirk.

I squinted my eyes at him and smiled.

"I think we should get breakfast first and see what Amelia and Luke are up to" my device said.

"As you wish" he said as he stood up walked over to the bed, grabbed my hand and placed a firm kiss on it.

"I'll change out here and you can change in the bathroom if you want" he said.

I just smiled at him and headed to the bathroom to change.

Amelia and Luke were lounging on the sofa. She had her legs thrown over his lap and they looked to be in deep conversation. She looked really happy.

I am really happy for her. I'm a little confused about how she can act so normal, content, and just fall into her mate like she has known him forever where as I am just now coming around to the idea that Alcide means what he says. It's not that I'm not happy that this man is my mate. Hell I am thrilled that my mate actually exists and doesn't seem at all like Rais. I know I've been told we mate for life...but what if this is all too good to be true. What if he gets tired of me and then throws me out of the mansion or grows resentful and begins to treat me like Rais did. There is so much I do not understand what it means to be a wolf or be a mate. A wolf, yeah if I even have one.

"Yo, were getting breakfast" Alcide calls to Luke as he's passing by.

Amelia and Luke look at each other and smile. "Race ya" Amelia calls out as she pushes Luke and lunges off him and onto the floor.

God it was so good to see her happy

I couldn't help but laugh as they darted to the kitchen. They were like kids.

"Good morning everyone" Greta sang as we entered the kitchen. "What's everyone wanting to eat"

I remembered the conversation I had with Alcide about his favorite foods. I smiled at him and typed on my device "How about biscuits and gravy?" It asked.

This made Alcide smile.

"Four biscuits and gravy coming right up" she cheered.

"So, I was thinking how would you like to lounge around watch some movies, maybe get to know the people in the mansion some more, and walk around the grounds with me. I could introduce you to other members of the pack." Alcide said as we were eating.

Movies sound great. Walking sounds great. Getting to know other people...eh okay. Meeting the pack ehhhhhh

"Are you sure it is a good idea to introduce me to the pack" I typed.

"Yeah? Why wouldn't it be?" he asked.

"Well, I don't want to be a disappointment to the pack. I mean you are the leader, the Alpha King and me, I'm not even from this pack not to mention...I haven't even shifted once" I was hesitant on pushing speak.. but I did it anyway.

"Okay, well how about I help you. I can teach you how to shift"

"Really? That sounds great. Let's start now" I was kinda excited and wanted to start immediately.

"Well its a good thing I finished my food" he mocked. "I guess were headed out guys" he said as I pulled on his hand.

"Have Fun" Amelia called out to me as I was swiftly walking out the doors.

"Okay. So close your eyes and breathe. Focus on voice in the back of your mind and let it come forth."

Okay? Breathing. Voice? My Voice? My subconscious voice? Is that the voice I'm suppose to listen to? I don't feel anything trying to come forth...

"I can see you getting antsy. Just let it come out naturally. You'll know when you feel it" he guided.

Feel what? I don't feel anything.

I opened my eyes and looked at him.

"What's wrong?" he asks

"I don't feel anything. I don't hear a voice only my subconscious. I don't understand what you mean I'll feel it. I don't feel anything." my device said.

"You feel nothing? No giddy feeling. No warmth?"

"No" I replied.

I sat down where I stood. I was discouraged. I want this so bad. I want to know what it feels like.

Alcide sat beside me.

"Amelia thinks all the years of repression and trauma is what's keeping you from shifting...She said you weren't ever allowed outside. Maybe it's just something that will take time. Time to heal and for you to be happy. I can work with you everyday to help"

I really thought it would work

"Thank you for understanding and I would appreciate the help" I typed.

"Of course." he said reassuringly.

Although shifting didn't go as planned. Alcide wouldn't let me dwell on it. Says I don't need to overthink it. We spent the rest of the day watching movies from Alcide's favorites to Luke's favorites and even some of Amelia's.

It was nice just to relax with people. I was almost happy, but there was this lingering sorrow in the back of my mind I couldn't shake. I know Alcide said not to overthink it but I was over feeling it. I felt ..well I don't know the word for how I felt but it didn't feel good. It was like I was the only one who hasn't shifted yet.

Alcide kept to his word though. Each day we would wake up and eat breakfast, head out to practice phasing, I'd get discouraged, he'd cheer me up, we would either walk around the grounds, watch movies, I even met some of the lower members of the pack who happen to cross out path. It wasn't to bad. Alcide did everything he could to make me happy. I was for the most part happy. I was eating regularly. I had a giant bed all to myself although Alcide has asked if he could sleep next to me. I had my best friend who seemed just blissful. I just felt like something was missing.